Monday, November 14, 2005

By The Way, God's A 5 Handicap

OK, so we aren't the first to point out that everybody's favorite religious wing nut is up to his wacky tricks again, but sometimes, you just have to pile on.

Pat Robertson had a special message for residents of Dover, Pennsylvania after voters there elected to boot the current school board, which instituted an intelligent design policy that led to a federal trial. "I was cleaning my tin foil helmet this morning," Robertson said, "When the Lord spoke to me through the radiator in my bedroom."

"He said to tell the heathen brood of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just voted him out of your city. If there's one thing that really honks God off, it's losing an election. Especially after he spent all that money buying ads. Look what he did to Louisiana and Mississippi when they voted for Kerry."

The new school board members have said that they are not against intelligent design, but that they just don't want it taught in science class. "Too late," Robertson explained. "It's my way or the highway...God's way I mean. You get the point."

"I'm not saying he will get his smite on, but if he does, just remember, you're the ones who voted democratic. When asked how he knew the deity was male Robertson responded that they had played golf together on several occasions and 'freshened up' in the club locker room and shower afterwards. "Oh he's male all right," Robertson said. "All male."

When asked if he thought God would target Dover for any particular disaster Robertson replied that he wasn't sure. "Well, he's pretty much done the whole hurricane thing. I'm thinking he might want to go with a flood, or maybe that bird flu. Yeah, the bird flu. They got KFC's in Dover right?"

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