Monday, December 22, 2008

In Retrospect We Should Have Realized The Teddy Bear Wasn't A John

We're coming to you today from the Department of Enlightened Parenting here in the marbled halls of IM Central. DoEP is a subsidiary of the They Grow Up So Fast Corporation in partnership with Girls Are Special, Inc. We'd ask all you parents to please have a seat while we turn on the slide projector and pull down the screen.

OK. Can you hear us in the back? Good. The reason we've called you all here today is to discuss with you the dangers of letting your children out of the house until they are legally able to carry firearms. Especially girls. You just don't know who's wandering around your neighborhood, rapists, murderers, kidnappers, SWAT teams.

It was a little before 8 at night when the breaker went out at Emily Milburn's home in Galveston. She was busy preparing her children for school the next day, so she asked her 12-year-old daughter, Dymond, to pop outside and turn the switch back on. As Dymond headed toward the breaker, a blue van drove up and three men jumped out rushing toward her. One of them grabbed her saying, "You're a prostitute. You're coming with me."

Dymond grabbed onto a tree and started screaming, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy." One of the men covered her mouth. Two of the men beat her about the face and throat. As it turned out, the three men were plain-clothed Galveston police officers who had been called to the area regarding three white prostitutes soliciting a white man and a black drug dealer.

"Well, in our defense we thought she was yelling 'Oh, Daddy, Oh, Daddy,'"said one of the officers. "Plus she was dressed provocatively in that Hannah Montana sweat shirt."

After the incident, Dymond was hospitalized and suffered black eyes as well as throat and ear drum injuries. "Twelve is such an awkward age," said the police public relations spokesperson. I'm sure she tripped or something."

OK parents, let's stop the presentation there for a question. Once the police realized what they had done, how do you think they reacted? You there, in the second row. Apologized you say? Then took up a collection to pay for her medical bills plus let her ride in the police car and work the siren? Well, not quite.

Three weeks later, according to the lawsuit, police went to Dymond's school, where she was an honor student, and arrested her for assaulting a public servant. "She kept fighting back as the office dragged her to the van," said the officers' lawyer, William Helfand. "How was the officer to know she was just panicked because she thought she was being kidnapped? Look, this is Galveston. Our officers screw up and go to the wrong house two, three times a month. The citizens should be used to it."

Both the daughter and the father were arrested for assaulting a peace officer. "The father basically attacked police officers as they were trying to take the daughter into custody after she ran off. Hey, a lot of prostitutes call their pimps 'Daddy,'" Helfand said. "'Course pimps don't usually yell 'that's my daughter, she's only 12.'"

"The city has investigated the matter and found that the conduct of the police officers was appropriate under the circumstances," Helfand said. "And to show you how thorough the investigation was, an investigator actually called Dymond's house to get her side of things, but no one was home at the time. Or maybe he had a wrong number. We're still looking in to that."

Since the incident more than two years ago, Dymond regularly suffers nightmares in which police officers are raping and beating her and cutting off her fingers. "Yeah. That's part of our scared straight program," said a police spokesperson.

And that concludes our presentation parents. We'd like to leave you with this final thought: All of this could have been avoided if Dymond had had the foresight not to have been born African American because then she grew up to look like a white prostitute.


Anonymous said...

If they are not bulldozing black cemetaries for "development" or just dumping toxic waste in black neighborhoods, they have to "multi-task", you know.
There's going to be a whole lotta lawsuits going on! From all the racist, government officials right down to the crumbling KKK in the South, Merry Christmas y'all.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like "Mississippi Burning" to me, but what do I know?
I think Marilyn Monroe had tight shorts as well as Annette Funicello circa 1950's... (Beach Party Bingo, remember that? Italians vs. Southern Baptists? Who knew?)
I think Texas has huge problems besides their high school drop out age. The Bushes' , despite the wonderful plea of Laura being "a librarian", yeah yeah, but what does she read?(And by the way, can she, really?)
We all know that the married daughter is really "iffy" in her intelligence...kind of like her old man, but we had all hoped that with all their gluttony of power and greed and corruption , just maybe something "good" could come of it.
Nope. Hicks are determined at birth, folks. No curiosity; no dreams to make a better planet; and certainly, a real, out of this world mission to keep'em all dumb...and by the way, let's get even more brutal, just to make a point.
Congratulations Texas. Not only does the World despise all you rednecks and nasty racists, it's comng back to bite you in the old , pork fat, behind. The elections are proof. You gunslinging crazies are all the same. I once heard only Texans visit Texas. Everybody else is too scared to death.