It's Only Offensive If You're Not White

Whoa. Just when we thought Kansas was inching ahead in the race back to the 19th century, here comes Virginia (Motto: We're just like Kansas, but without the class).

Virginia State Representative Frank D. Hargrove Sr., R-Whiteyville was quoted as saying that asking the state to apologize for slavery would be akin to asking Jews to apologize for killing Christ. "Look," he explained. "Most o' the darkies that come over here was well treated by their masters, but them Hebes, they killed the lord."

Representative David L. Englin, D-Shlemazl, who is Jewish, took Hargrove to task for "inflammatory" comments. "Hey, if he wants to tick off the Negroes, that's one thing, but if he messes with me he may suddenly find the mortgage on his house has come due. Just saying."

Hargrove told Englin who's also his seatmate, that "your skin was a little too thin, but that's just the way it is with you people, right beanie boy?"

Black legislators also denounced his comments on a proposed state apology for slavery. "When somebody tells me that I should just get over slavery, I can only express my emotion by suggesting that there is a serious can o' whupass about to be opened up in here," said Representative Dwight Clinton Jones, chairman of the Legislative Black Caucus.

"Quiet down Rufus," Hanover said. "I'll deal with you after I'm done with big nose here."

Hargrove tried to explain his comments, saying nobody respected slavery or would ever advocate its return. "Heck, we got the beaners for that now anyway."

This is the most recent insensitive oral misstep made by a Virginia politician. In August, then-U.S. Sen. George Allen referred to a Virginia-born man of Indian descent volunteering for his opponent's campaign as "macaca," considered a racial slur in many cultures. "Yeah, macaca's good, but where's the followup?" Hanover asked. "Allen was a one trick pony. After macaca he had nothing."

Last month, U.S. Rep. Virgil H. Goode Jr., R-Mein Kampf, complained that the first Muslim member of Congress would take his oath with the Quran and warned of a possible Muslim takeover of the chambers. "Too diffuse," Hanover complained. "When you insult an entire race you really lose your focus on the individual. That's why I like sitting next to my colleague Joe Matzoh Ball here, Right Joe?"

House Majority Leader H. Morgan Griffith, R-Apologetica, said, "I can see how people would be offended. But knowing Frank, I know he didn't mean anything. I mean come on, the guy's only got a sixth grade education, plus he's drunk most of the time."