Tuesday, January 30, 2007

And If This Guy Doesn't Work Out, We're Down To The Chief Of Police In Fargo

See, here's the problem: president Bush is a visionary, one of those people who comes along only infrequently, and when they do, they're often misunderstood. It's like his thinking is so far beyond what we're capable of when he tries to explain his decision to us, it's like trying to explain fire to a fish. And we're the fish.

As a result of the inability of the 64% of us who, due to our own shortcomings, are unable to fully comprehend the convoluted intricacies and subtle shadings of the cowboy way, the president has had trouble convincing people that when he says it's raining, they don't have to walk to the window and look out before they agree. So, outside of Cheney and the voices in his head, the president hasn't gotten a whole lot of support, even if you do count Joe Lieberman...but that's sort of like counting Barney.

So who can blame the president for firing generals who want to talk about what's going on in Iraq and replace them with admirals who understand that's it's not what's happening that counts, it's what we want to have happen that matters, right Admiral Fallon?

Navy Admiral William Fallon, who is poised to become the top American commander in the Middle East because the president ran out of army generals, says the United States miscalculated the ability of Iraqi forces to take control and underestimated the enemy's persistence.

Right. See that's the kind of can do attitude that...wait a minute...what?

"Securing the stability of the country has been more difficult than anticipated," Fallon said in a written statement. "If by anticipated you mean we never thought about any difficulties at all."

Hang on there a minute Admiral. Are you saying the US can't win in Iraq, capture bin Laden, crush the islamocommiefascist ninja shadow warriors and restore Christ to the middle east?

The United States may have to adopt more realistic expectations for Iraq, president Bush's choice to become the top U.S. military commander for the Middle East said.

Excuse us, did you say "realistic?" Did that man just say "realistic?" Did anyone else hear that?

Joining other senior U.S. government and military officials in recent months who have said the United States is not winning in Iraq, Admiral William Fallon told the U.S. Senate Armed Service Committee, "What we've been doing is not working. If by working you mean...well...working."

Now just hold it one minute there swaby. You're the man our president picked to carry out his policy in the middle east and you're up here telling us to get all realistic and stuff. Does the president know about this?

"Maybe we ought to redefine the goals here a bit and do something that's more realistic in terms of getting some progress and then maybe take on the other things later," he said. "And by progress I mean getting the road from Baghdad open long enough to get out, and by later I mean after the current administration has ended."

Ah. That's better. We told you the president was a deep thinker. You can see the aspects of his plan coming into focus now can't you?

"Going back to 2003, we had hundreds of good ideas of things that we would like to see in Iraq that are more reflective of the kind of society and process that we enjoy here," Fallon said. "But the president decided to listen to the voices in his head instead, so here we are."

Hey that's not fair. Cheney helped.

"And it seems to me that we probably erred in our assessment of the ability of these people to take on all of these tasks at the same time," he told the committee, meeting to consider his nomination.

Ah, blaming the Iraqis, now we're getting somewhere. Approve this guy!

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