Monday, January 15, 2007

Is It Hot In Here, Or Are You Just Stupid?

Last week we mentioned that certain events, ie: the resurgence of the reality based community in Kansas had us worried about the possible renaming of this blog to ironicus minimus.

Turns out we needn't have worried.

The school board in a Seattle suburb has restricted showings of Al Gore's movie on global warming, including requiring that it be balanced with a wildly irrational opposing viewpoint. "We understand it's going to be hard to find a spokesidiot, given that almost anyone who knows anything about it says global warming is real, so we're hoping to get Michael Crichton to come," said board President Ed Barney.

When it was pointed out that Michael Crichton is a writer not a scientist and his book was fiction, not science Barney responded that he was aware of that, but "the kids won't know the difference, and it'll shut the parents up."

The decision was sparked by complaints from parents who said their children were concerned about their future after viewing it at school. "It's the parents' responsibility to tell the kids what facts are," said parent Elmer Dillard. "Not those eggheads in that Gore movie."

"Condoms don't belong in school, and neither does Al Gore," said Frosty Hardison, a parent. When asked why anyone named "Frosty" should be taken seriously, Ms. Hardison replied that her name didn't matter, as she was trying to protect her children, Sparkles and Dimple.

Asked to explain the connection between condoms and global warming, Ms. Hardison replied that there wasn't one. "It's just that sex thing scares me," she told reporters. "Especially with Sparkles, the little slut. Nine years old and already wearing make up."

"We have to ensure that our schools are not being used to politically indoctrinate anyone," said board member Dave Larson, "Well, unless it's political indoctrination we agree with that is." When told that global warming was a scientific issue, not a political one, Mr. Larson replied that he was pretty sure Gore was a democrat.

None has seen the movie. But district policy requires that an opposing view be aired whenever an issue is examined in school that might cause the students to question the status quo. "I am shocked that a school district would come to this decision," Laurie David, a producer of the film, said. "I'm going to write to the Board. Where in Kansas did you say it was?"

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