Thursday, January 25, 2007

Senator Hagel, The Vice President Would Like To See You Out Back. Please Come Alone

OK, so you're the president and you're beginning to get the impression that maybe you're not so well liked. Even Barney leaves the room when you come in. But heck, you think, now that the democtats have won the election it's to be expected. Besides, what can they do? Pass a resolution? Big deal, you don't even read most of the laws you sign, who cares about a resolution.

Then one evening you're in the den flipping around the dial looking for the cartoon network and you run across this.

"Well, all I would do is point to the last four years -- are things better in the Middle East today? No, they're more dangerous today in the Middle East than they've ever been. I challenge anyone to question that," Senator Chuck Hagel (R-Backbone) said in an emotional statement. "We hear that from our panelists every day we have hearings. Whether it's Iran, whether it's Lebanon, whether it's Syria, whether it's Iraq, it is far more dangerous than we've ever seen."Hagel went even further by acknowledging what most thinking Americans already understand -- that Team Bush's actions have ruined any standing we once had in that region of the world.

Yeah, yeah, yeah you think, more democrat fizzle, but Laura says, "Hey pookins, (she always calls you pookins after three or four Manhattans. You suspect it's because she forgets your name) isn't he one of ours?"

You peer closely at the crawl across the bottom of the screen, trying to read as fast as it moves. "Sen...a...tor...Ch...Ch...Chuck...Ha...gel...Re...Re...Repub....Republican! Dang!"

"We have totally destroyed our standing and reputation and influence in the Middle East, by what we're doing," said Hagel. "And the more we sink down into this bog, the harder it is to get out of and the more enemies we make."

"He can't talk like that," you say to Laura, but she's left to make another pitcher of Manhattans. "Doesn't he know I'm the Decider? Doesn't he know I listen to my generals? Well, until they say something I don't want to hear, but that's beside the point. Doesn't he know I have Cheney's private cellphone number?"

What a cruel blow it is, when the most principled man in a democrat Congress is a member of your own party. "What has happened to Republicans? you wonder. Where have the days of shock and awe gone? It was so simple back then. If you didn't like a country, you blew it up. If you didn't like a law, you ignored it.

By now Laura has returned with a fresh pitcher of Manhattans. You ask her to pour you one and pass the bowl of pretzels. "When's our next vacation?" you ask.

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