Tuesday, January 09, 2007

That Better Be A Dead Body In Your Freezer

See, here's the difference between democrats and republicans. When the republicans are crooked, they use the money to buy yachts, big houses, go on golf trips in Europe and buy expensive art. When the democrats are crooked, they stuff the money in their freezer. This is why the people in Jefferson's district re-elected him. "It's obvious he needs more time to get this graft thing down," said a Jefferson supporter who asked not to be identified because of outstanding warrants.

In a political comeback that's astounding even by republican standards, Representative William Jefferson (D- KoolKash) began his ninth term in office last week trying to mend fences with fellow Democrats intent on cleaning up Congress. "Anybody need a loan?" Jefferson asked at a meeting of democratic leaders. "I've got cash and good rates."

"It's great to have people trust you enough to send you back," Jefferson said. "It also helps that they're dumb as a box of rocks."

Jefferson's re-election has not been celebrated by many House Democratic leaders. New House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Ain't Yo Momma, stripped Jefferson of his Ways and Means Committee seat last year and instead offered him an olive branch in the form of a less prestigious seat on the Parking Assignments Committee. "That Committee doesn't meet very often," she said. "So he can probably continue to Chair it from his cell."

Pelosi promised that the Democratic Congress will usher in the "toughest congressional reform in history. To begin with, stand alone freezer size will be strictly limited."

Representative Gene Taylor, a conservative Democrat from Mississippi who once considered Pelosi too female for his support, now praises the Democratic leader for her very tough stance with regards to Bill Jefferson. "I heard she wanted to shoot the guy," he said. "But then she figured the Parking Committee would be worse."

Jefferson, however, is no political pariah among most members of the Congressional Black Caucus, who are still chafing over what they view as unfair treatment by Pelosi. "We're still down with the brotha," said one member who asked not to be named, but did request a shout out to "all my dawgs in the hood."

Jefferson said he was treated sympathetically by Representatives Charlie Melancon, D-KashOnly, and Jim McCrery, R-KashOut, after the bribery scandal which he refers to as "this little illegality" broke last year. "Both offered me space in their safe deposit boxes for anything the FBI didn't get," Jefferson said.

But there may be new tensions in the delegation, especially between Jefferson and Senator Mary Landrieu, a fellow New Orleans democrat who's expected to have a tough re-election race in 2008. Jefferson's press secretary, Melanie Roussell, hinted that Landrieu may have lost some of her support in New Orleans by failing to support Jefferson. "She certainly will have trouble holding on to the gangsta vote," Roussell said.

While democratic leaders in Washington and supporters in New Orleans await the outcome, Jefferson said he plans to make the best of his seat on the Parking Assignment Committee. "I'd just like to say to any of my constituents in New Orlean who still have cars, if you ever come to Washington, I'll see you get a place to park. If I"m not in jail by then that is."

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