If You're Going To Hate, At Least Be A Good Christian About It

Frequent readers of this blog probably didn't do well on career aptitude tests...er...we mean, frequent readers will notice that from time to time we like to indulge in a delightful and refreshing adult beverage. Admittedly in a most un-adult like way, but that's a story for another time. Anyway, everyone needs a hobby. We tell you this because we don't want you thinking that today's post is a figment of a Stoli induced alternative reality. Well that's not completely accurate. It's about Alabama, which is possibly its own alternative reality.

Members of one Ku Klux Klan organization say they will assemble at the courthouse November 10 to show their opposition to another Klan group that plans an anti-immigration rally there that day. "They've really gone off the reservation," said Ken Mier, who described himself as an investigator for the Alabama Ku Klux Klan and the national office of the Ku Klux Klan LLC. "We're not against illegals because they're illegal, we're against them because they're brown."

"We are also opposed to the ignorance and stupidity as displayed by the individuals that thumbed their nose at the area churches by continuing to use racial slurs, threats and avoided Christian deportment," he said. "They need to realize that when you're out in public hating on somebody there are certain Christian principles that need to be followed."

At the protest, held several hours after thousands of motorcyclists traveled through the city on the annual Trail of Tears ride, several National Knights Klan members gave anti-immigration speeches.

Mier said his group was disgusted that the National Knights would interfere with the Trail of Tears ride. "Look, here we are turning one of the most disturbing episodes of our treatment of American Indians into a motorcycle swap meet and these guys have to come along and cheapen it by taking some shots at the Mexicans. Let's keep focus here people, that's all I'm saying."

Fer schizzle. Although in defense of the National Knights, all non-white people look alike to them.

It's Only Offensive If You're Not White

Whoa. Just when we thought Kansas was inching ahead in the race back to the 19th century, here comes Virginia (Motto: We're just like Kansas, but without the class).

Virginia State Representative Frank D. Hargrove Sr., R-Whiteyville was quoted as saying that asking the state to apologize for slavery would be akin to asking Jews to apologize for killing Christ. "Look," he explained. "Most o' the darkies that come over here was well treated by their masters, but them Hebes, they killed the lord."

Representative David L. Englin, D-Shlemazl, who is Jewish, took Hargrove to task for "inflammatory" comments. "Hey, if he wants to tick off the Negroes, that's one thing, but if he messes with me he may suddenly find the mortgage on his house has come due. Just saying."

Hargrove told Englin who's also his seatmate, that "your skin was a little too thin, but that's just the way it is with you people, right beanie boy?"

Black legislators also denounced his comments on a proposed state apology for slavery. "When somebody tells me that I should just get over slavery, I can only express my emotion by suggesting that there is a serious can o' whupass about to be opened up in here," said Representative Dwight Clinton Jones, chairman of the Legislative Black Caucus.

"Quiet down Rufus," Hanover said. "I'll deal with you after I'm done with big nose here."

Hargrove tried to explain his comments, saying nobody respected slavery or would ever advocate its return. "Heck, we got the beaners for that now anyway."

This is the most recent insensitive oral misstep made by a Virginia politician. In August, then-U.S. Sen. George Allen referred to a Virginia-born man of Indian descent volunteering for his opponent's campaign as "macaca," considered a racial slur in many cultures. "Yeah, macaca's good, but where's the followup?" Hanover asked. "Allen was a one trick pony. After macaca he had nothing."

Last month, U.S. Rep. Virgil H. Goode Jr., R-Mein Kampf, complained that the first Muslim member of Congress would take his oath with the Quran and warned of a possible Muslim takeover of the chambers. "Too diffuse," Hanover complained. "When you insult an entire race you really lose your focus on the individual. That's why I like sitting next to my colleague Joe Matzoh Ball here, Right Joe?"

House Majority Leader H. Morgan Griffith, R-Apologetica, said, "I can see how people would be offended. But knowing Frank, I know he didn't mean anything. I mean come on, the guy's only got a sixth grade education, plus he's drunk most of the time."

Tancredo in 08. Why Do You Think They Call It the "White" House?

Whew! We were worried there for a second when we heard the Barack Obama had announced he was running for president (Slogan: Obama in 08. Who Needs Experience?). We thought, wow, a man running for president based on the fact that the media likes him...er...we mean a black man running for president based on the fact that the media likes him. Well, they like his clothes and his middle name. OK, they don't, but who cares? He's black! Welcome to the American Enlightenment. Well, sort of.

"I am considering this campaign because of my commitment to the voices in my head, to the white citizens of the United States, and to my good friend and mentor, Strom Thurmond," Republican Representative Tom Tancredo of Colorado said. When a reporter mentioned that the president has responsibilities that go beyond a single issue, Tancredo responded that he "could get people for that stuff."

Tancredo has been a leading voice in Congress against proposals for rational immigration policies, integration, mixed marriages and drinking fountains open to whites and blacks. He recently generated controversy by saying Miami resembled a third world country. "I meant that in a good way," he told reporters.

Tancredo visited the early caucus state of Iowa during the weekend. "Look at all these white people," he remarked at a rally. "I feel really at home here." None of the presidential candidates, he said, "reflects the grass roots, majority belief I have that the south should have won the civil war."

Tancredo said republican leaders had abandoned their racist principles and paid the price in November, when they lost control of Congress to democrats. When asked if he thought the war in Iraq might have also had something to do with republican losses he said, "War? What war?"