If We Are All Descended From Apes, Why Are There Still Politicians?

We're coming to you today from the Ominous Portents Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. We say ominous because, on the heels of the last election (Reality won, 5 -4 in overtime) we read that Kansas (Motto: We're not apes. Yes we are. No we're not. LALALALA I can't hear you) has returned to the twentieth century. A sudden reconnection with rationality in this country does not bode well for this blog.

Now controlled by sensible human beings, the Kansas Board of Education wasted little time in beginning the repeal of science curriculum standards written by the ladies auxiliary at the First Church of Christ the Chemist. Reformed. "You think the stuff on evolution was bad," said a Board spokesperson, "You should have seen what they were planning for gravity."

But try as they might, board members aren’t likely to end Kansas’ long-lived debate over what to teach children about the origins of human life. Even as the board’s majority agreed to revisit the debate, residents with temporary visas to reality urged the board to leave the standards alone. “Evolution as it’s taught today is bad science,” said Doug Kaufman of Leavenworth. “It’s unprovable.”

When it was explained to Mr. Kaufman that science wasn't designed to be "provable," he replied, "You can't prove that."

The proposed changes would strip out language critical of evolution as well as a definition of science that would allow supernatural explanations. "We didn't think the Holy Ghost was an appropriate scientific role model," said board member Janet Waugh of Kansas City.

Supporters of the current standards repeated their argument that evolution is uncomfortable to them and that it can bias children against accepting things without question. "We have got to get over this obsession with teaching children to think," said Mr. Kaufman. "Nobody ever taught me to think, and I turned out just fine."

This will be the second time moderates on the board have acted to repeal standards passed by conservatives that cast doubt on evolution. "Yeah. We were hoping to get the Apocalypse in before this election," said Mr. Kaufman.

The board also discussed tactics for combating teacher shortages.

"Teacher shortages?" No why on earth would a teacher, particularly a science teacher, not want to work in Kansas?