We're coming to you from the Fair's Fair Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central today. FiF operates in partnership with the Credit Where Credit is Due Company, a division of the Adults are in Charge Corporation.
Occasionally, we poke some fun at the good people of Florida. Well, actually we poke fun at residents still listening to the voices inside their heads, but some of the good people got caught up in that, so we're here today to give a big Ironicus Maximus Huzzah to the Florida’s state board of education who approved science standards that for the first time refer specifically to the theory of evolution, and give what many supporters say is a more coherent and concise treatment to important topics across science, such as reality.
Ahem...Huzzah!
At least 11 school boards passed resolutions opposing the proposed standards.
OK...erm...Ahem...huzzah!
That statement “could be construed to preclude the consideration of magic spirits,” Dennis K. Baxley, the executive director of the Christian Coalition of Florida, said.
"Uh...Yeah," replied a spokesperson for the board. "What part of 'coherent' didn't you understand?"
“I think they’re going a bit too far,” said Mr. Baxley, a former member of the Florida House of Reprehensibles, in an interview. “I'm not convinced we want to teach kids to reason from facts and think for themselves. I mean, if you teach someone to think, how you going to control what they think about?”
Scientists cite evidence for evolution in many fields of science—not just biology, but also anthropology, astrophysics, chemistry, geology, physics, and other areas—and find it continues to grow stronger with new discoveries. "See, that's the problem," Baxley said. "The more we learn, the more we want to learn. Where does it end?"
In recent decades, the U.S. courts have consistently ruled that attempts to teach creationism, or the Biblical view that God created the universe and all living things, in public school science classes violate the First Amendment’s prohibition against the government establishment of religion. "Oh sure, bring up the Constitution," Baxley said. "When are you guys going to quit beating us over the head with that?"
“We’ve been stymied by the E-word before,” Debra S. Walker, a member of the Monroe County school board said after the state board’s vote. “With the passage of this, I think [the state] recognized that the real E-word is ‘economy,' well, except in Baxley's case where it's E diot. HaHaHaHaHa!! I'm so clever. See what ll that book learning will do for you Dennis?"
Showing posts with label Evolution. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Evolution. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Florida! The Best Education The18th Century Can Provide
We're coming to you today from the Get It Through Your Thick Head Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. GITYTH is a wholly owned subsidy of the What Part Of No Don't You Understand Corporation in partnership with When Donkeys Fly, Inc.
Now, this isn't the first time we've had to do this, so we'd appreciate it is you'd put down your Jesus action figure and PAY ATTENTION!!!1!! First, do the words Dover, Pennsylvania mean anything? You remember. It was in all the papers. Well, except for the papers in Kansas and Texas apparently, but no matter, the point is the general populace, and particularly the judicial system is not impressed by the voices inside your head.
To some Floridians, introducing the word ''evolution'' into state science-education standards would be a needed step into the 21st century. Others urged state education officials to give other theories of the origin of life equal space and let students decide what to believe "because everyone knows that 14 year olds are excellent decision makers," said one parent of a girl who appeared to be about six months pregnant.
The proposed standards contain instructions on how evolution should be taught, beginning in kindergarten. The draft declares: "Evolution is the fundamental concept underlying all of biology and is supported by multiple forms of scientific evidence.''
"What are you going to believe?" asked a parent. "The evidence of science or what it says in the bible? God put all that stuff on earth to test our faith."
''Do we want Florida to be the laughingstock of the United States, like Tennessee was at one time, because we teach creationism alongside evolution?'' asked J. Alan Beech, 80, who teaches at Miami Dade College's north campus.
"People have laughed at me all my life, responded West Palm Beach parent Laura Lopez, who wore a shirt saying ''Don't Condone What God Condemns. "People's own belief doesn't negate the reality that the earth was created by God,'' she said.
When it was pointed out that she may have that backwards because religion was about belief and science was about reality she said it really didn't matter which way it goes "as long as I don't have to think about it too much. I get headaches.".
Oscar Howard Jr., superintendent of the 3,300-student Taylor County Public Schools near Tallahassee, drove nine hours to speak against the new standards. His district's five-member school board had unanimously voted to oppose them about a month ago. ''We do not believe that evolution is a fact,'' he said. "It should be taught as a theory along with other theories.''
When it was pointed out that evolution was taught as a theory, a scientific theory based on facts Howard replied that he didn't want to be confused by "all that high falutin' educational stuff" and "neither do students."
In the past few months, thousands have commented on the proposed standards on a state website. The vast majority of comments have favored the teaching of evolution. "That's just because a lot of us don't write so good," said Ms. Lopez.
Debate in Florida echoes that in Texas, which is preparing a similar revision of its science-education standards. And it also reflects a nationwide split: A Gallup Poll in June showed that 53 percent of Americans questioned believe in evolution, while 44 percent do not.
OK, maybe there is a problem with schools in this country.
To some Floridians, introducing the word ''evolution'' into state science-education standards would be a needed step into the 21st century. Others urged state education officials to give other theories of the origin of life equal space and let students decide what to believe "because everyone knows that 14 year olds are excellent decision makers," said one parent of a girl who appeared to be about six months pregnant.
The proposed standards contain instructions on how evolution should be taught, beginning in kindergarten. The draft declares: "Evolution is the fundamental concept underlying all of biology and is supported by multiple forms of scientific evidence.''
"What are you going to believe?" asked a parent. "The evidence of science or what it says in the bible? God put all that stuff on earth to test our faith."
''Do we want Florida to be the laughingstock of the United States, like Tennessee was at one time, because we teach creationism alongside evolution?'' asked J. Alan Beech, 80, who teaches at Miami Dade College's north campus.
"People have laughed at me all my life, responded West Palm Beach parent Laura Lopez, who wore a shirt saying ''Don't Condone What God Condemns. "People's own belief doesn't negate the reality that the earth was created by God,'' she said.
When it was pointed out that she may have that backwards because religion was about belief and science was about reality she said it really didn't matter which way it goes "as long as I don't have to think about it too much. I get headaches.".
Oscar Howard Jr., superintendent of the 3,300-student Taylor County Public Schools near Tallahassee, drove nine hours to speak against the new standards. His district's five-member school board had unanimously voted to oppose them about a month ago. ''We do not believe that evolution is a fact,'' he said. "It should be taught as a theory along with other theories.''
When it was pointed out that evolution was taught as a theory, a scientific theory based on facts Howard replied that he didn't want to be confused by "all that high falutin' educational stuff" and "neither do students."
In the past few months, thousands have commented on the proposed standards on a state website. The vast majority of comments have favored the teaching of evolution. "That's just because a lot of us don't write so good," said Ms. Lopez.
Debate in Florida echoes that in Texas, which is preparing a similar revision of its science-education standards. And it also reflects a nationwide split: A Gallup Poll in June showed that 53 percent of Americans questioned believe in evolution, while 44 percent do not.
OK, maybe there is a problem with schools in this country.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Oh, And Magnetism? Just Angels Messing With You. Really
OK, we get it. You don't like that whole earth is over 6000 years old thing. We understand it was hard for you to accept that the sun is at the center of the solar system. We're sorry that scientists keep explaining things like lightening and eclipses. You've made it very clear you don't want to be associated with the monkeys. Frankly, the whole poop flinging thing isn't that big a draw for us either, but look, when you go into education as a career you're sort of expected to, you know, like deal with the facts and all. Just saying.
A key state official plans to vote against Florida's proposed new science standards because evolution would be taught in public schools. "What's next?" asked Donna Callaway of the State Board of Education. "Expanding universe? Germ theory? Where does it end, that's what I want to know."
The former Tallahassee middle school principal is the first board member to make public comment on the standards. She was also the first board member to argue that god meant things to be measured in inches and not meters; that using Greek letters in math and sciences classes is a form of Satan worship; and that students interested in medical careers only needed to be taught about the four humors.
The proposed standards are controversial because they would, for the first time, require public school students to learn about evolution. "How are Florida's students going to compete for jobs in the knowledge economy if they have to learn stuff?" Callaway asked. "Wait. That didn't come out right."
In an editorial in the Baptist Witless, Callaway urged Baptists to speak out against the standards because they attempt "to make evolution dogma" the rule and ignore the belief that God or an "intelligent cause" created living things from three rocks and some dirt.
The editorial appeared in the December 6 issue of the Baptist newspaper, which is delivered to some 40,000 homes, said James Smith, the publication's executive editor. "Of course of that 40,000 only about six can read, so we're not sure what the effect will be," he added.
"I firmly believe that a child can deal with the proof of science along with a personal belief in God as the Creator of the universe at the same time." Callaway said. "And I believe that because I'm doing such a good job of dealing with it myself."
Callaway's comments in a church-based paper troubles Florida Citizens for Science, which supports reality. "She's allowing the voices in her head to cloud her judgment on science education in Florida," said Brandon Haught, the group's spokesman.
The proposed standards were written by teachers and professors with the goal of beefing up science education in Florida, where fewer than half the students are proficient on state science tests. We've got to do something to improve that," Haught said. "This isn't Texas after all."
A key state official plans to vote against Florida's proposed new science standards because evolution would be taught in public schools. "What's next?" asked Donna Callaway of the State Board of Education. "Expanding universe? Germ theory? Where does it end, that's what I want to know."
The former Tallahassee middle school principal is the first board member to make public comment on the standards. She was also the first board member to argue that god meant things to be measured in inches and not meters; that using Greek letters in math and sciences classes is a form of Satan worship; and that students interested in medical careers only needed to be taught about the four humors.
The proposed standards are controversial because they would, for the first time, require public school students to learn about evolution. "How are Florida's students going to compete for jobs in the knowledge economy if they have to learn stuff?" Callaway asked. "Wait. That didn't come out right."
In an editorial in the Baptist Witless, Callaway urged Baptists to speak out against the standards because they attempt "to make evolution dogma" the rule and ignore the belief that God or an "intelligent cause" created living things from three rocks and some dirt.
The editorial appeared in the December 6 issue of the Baptist newspaper, which is delivered to some 40,000 homes, said James Smith, the publication's executive editor. "Of course of that 40,000 only about six can read, so we're not sure what the effect will be," he added.
"I firmly believe that a child can deal with the proof of science along with a personal belief in God as the Creator of the universe at the same time." Callaway said. "And I believe that because I'm doing such a good job of dealing with it myself."
Callaway's comments in a church-based paper troubles Florida Citizens for Science, which supports reality. "She's allowing the voices in her head to cloud her judgment on science education in Florida," said Brandon Haught, the group's spokesman.
The proposed standards were written by teachers and professors with the goal of beefing up science education in Florida, where fewer than half the students are proficient on state science tests. We've got to do something to improve that," Haught said. "This isn't Texas after all."
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Now We Know Why Biologists Shouldn't Be Home Schooled
OK, full disclosure. As denizens of the educorporate training facility in our neighborhood we would occasionally...how to say this politely...engage in a little one sided jocularity at the expense the local population of students for whom science class was the highlight of the day.
What the kids today call...um...nerds we believe. Yes, our local contact informs us that nerds is the preferred term. Well, not among the nerds of course, but hey, when your name is Henry Botando, you have red hair and you solve calculus problems in your head, it's not like you have a lot of pull is it...Piggy? You think you can speak? You think you can, four eyes? And you Jack, you couldn't even kill the piglet, what right to you have to the knife? Because you can sing? Fat lot of good that does us. Look around you boys, I say. Who is your rightful leader? Who is the strong one? Who doesn't hesitate? Who is...
Sorry. Having a bit of a flashback. Where were we?
Oh yeah, Nathaniel Abraham.
Nathaniel Abraham filed a lawsuit in US District Court in Boston saying that the prestigious Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution dissed him in 2004 because of his Christian belief that the Bible is god's big book of facts. "How was I to know the building was full of scientists," Abraham said. "I just liked the pretty fishys."
Abraham, who is seeking $500,000 in compensation for a violation of his civil rights, says
that he lost his job as a postdoctoral researcher in a biology lab shortly after he told his superior that he did not accept evolution as scientific fact. "Well, in my defense I have to say I was working in the biology lab," Abraham told reporters. "I didn't think it would be that big of a deal."
Woods Hole officials released a statement saying, "The Institution firmly believes that its actions and those of its employees concerning Dr. Abraham were entirely lawful," and that the center does not discriminate on the basis of religion. Later an official from Woods Hole admitted that the fact that Dr. Abraham's degree came from the Face of Jesus in Your Toast College and Cafe "should have been a clue."
In a 2004 letter to Abraham, his boss, Woods Hole senior scientist Mark E. Hahn, wrote that Abraham said he did not want to work on "things that are, like all sciency and stuff" of the National Institutes of Health grant for which he was hired, even though the project clearly required scientists to use the principles of evolution in their analyses and writing. "Well, no job is perfect," Abraham said.
When asked to explore why zebrafish mutants that lack notochords exhibit relatively normal neural development, including differentiation of floor plate and motoneurons, Abraham's eventual report stated that it was due to the fact that "Jesus watches over the little sparrows just like he watches over you and me."
"It wasn't something we felt was up to the standards of Woods Hole," Hahn said.
"Was it because I didn't mention the fish?" Abraham asked. "I probably should have mentioned the fish."
Abraham did not return a telephone call seeking comment because telephones aren't mentioned in the bible. He now works at Liberty University, a Christian Profit Center in Lynchburg, Va., founded by the Reverend Jerry Falwell, who recently evolved into a dead person. "We understand he's researching whether Adam and Eve would have been able to tame the dinosaurs after the fall," Hahn told reporters.
The lawsuit is the latest in a series of cases pitting creationists against scientists in academic settings, or what people are calling Smackdown in Monkey town. Last year, a University of Rhode Island student was awarded a doctorate in geosciences despite opposition after it became known that he was a creationist. "People ask me how I could get through a whole program in geosciences and not learn anything at all," the student said. "Easy. Just listen to the voices in my head instead of the professor"
Earlier this year, an Iowa State University astronomer claimed he was denied tenure because he did not believe in evolution. "Well, that and the fact that he believed the stars were god's dandruff," said a university representative.
"It is inconceivable that someone working in developmental biology at a major research institution would not be expected to deal intimately with evolution," Eugenie C. Scott, executive director for the National Center for Science Education said. "A flight school hiring instructors wouldn't ask whether they accepted that the earth was spherical; they would assume it."
Oh Great. Now we've got another reason to be afraid to fly.
"Woods Hole would have assumed that someone hired to work in developmental biology would accept that evolution occurred. It's part and parcel of the science these days," she said.
"Oh. You wanted me to do Science," Abraham said. "Well, why didn't you say so? Sorry can't do that stuff. $500,000 please."
Later that day, unidentified assailants pushed Abraham into the girl's bathroom..
What the kids today call...um...nerds we believe. Yes, our local contact informs us that nerds is the preferred term. Well, not among the nerds of course, but hey, when your name is Henry Botando, you have red hair and you solve calculus problems in your head, it's not like you have a lot of pull is it...Piggy? You think you can speak? You think you can, four eyes? And you Jack, you couldn't even kill the piglet, what right to you have to the knife? Because you can sing? Fat lot of good that does us. Look around you boys, I say. Who is your rightful leader? Who is the strong one? Who doesn't hesitate? Who is...
Sorry. Having a bit of a flashback. Where were we?
Oh yeah, Nathaniel Abraham.
Nathaniel Abraham filed a lawsuit in US District Court in Boston saying that the prestigious Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution dissed him in 2004 because of his Christian belief that the Bible is god's big book of facts. "How was I to know the building was full of scientists," Abraham said. "I just liked the pretty fishys."
Abraham, who is seeking $500,000 in compensation for a violation of his civil rights, says
that he lost his job as a postdoctoral researcher in a biology lab shortly after he told his superior that he did not accept evolution as scientific fact. "Well, in my defense I have to say I was working in the biology lab," Abraham told reporters. "I didn't think it would be that big of a deal."
Woods Hole officials released a statement saying, "The Institution firmly believes that its actions and those of its employees concerning Dr. Abraham were entirely lawful," and that the center does not discriminate on the basis of religion. Later an official from Woods Hole admitted that the fact that Dr. Abraham's degree came from the Face of Jesus in Your Toast College and Cafe "should have been a clue."
In a 2004 letter to Abraham, his boss, Woods Hole senior scientist Mark E. Hahn, wrote that Abraham said he did not want to work on "things that are, like all sciency and stuff" of the National Institutes of Health grant for which he was hired, even though the project clearly required scientists to use the principles of evolution in their analyses and writing. "Well, no job is perfect," Abraham said.
When asked to explore why zebrafish mutants that lack notochords exhibit relatively normal neural development, including differentiation of floor plate and motoneurons, Abraham's eventual report stated that it was due to the fact that "Jesus watches over the little sparrows just like he watches over you and me."
"It wasn't something we felt was up to the standards of Woods Hole," Hahn said.
"Was it because I didn't mention the fish?" Abraham asked. "I probably should have mentioned the fish."
Abraham did not return a telephone call seeking comment because telephones aren't mentioned in the bible. He now works at Liberty University, a Christian Profit Center in Lynchburg, Va., founded by the Reverend Jerry Falwell, who recently evolved into a dead person. "We understand he's researching whether Adam and Eve would have been able to tame the dinosaurs after the fall," Hahn told reporters.
The lawsuit is the latest in a series of cases pitting creationists against scientists in academic settings, or what people are calling Smackdown in Monkey town. Last year, a University of Rhode Island student was awarded a doctorate in geosciences despite opposition after it became known that he was a creationist. "People ask me how I could get through a whole program in geosciences and not learn anything at all," the student said. "Easy. Just listen to the voices in my head instead of the professor"
Earlier this year, an Iowa State University astronomer claimed he was denied tenure because he did not believe in evolution. "Well, that and the fact that he believed the stars were god's dandruff," said a university representative.
"It is inconceivable that someone working in developmental biology at a major research institution would not be expected to deal intimately with evolution," Eugenie C. Scott, executive director for the National Center for Science Education said. "A flight school hiring instructors wouldn't ask whether they accepted that the earth was spherical; they would assume it."
Oh Great. Now we've got another reason to be afraid to fly.
"Woods Hole would have assumed that someone hired to work in developmental biology would accept that evolution occurred. It's part and parcel of the science these days," she said.
"Oh. You wanted me to do Science," Abraham said. "Well, why didn't you say so? Sorry can't do that stuff. $500,000 please."
Later that day, unidentified assailants pushed Abraham into the girl's bathroom..
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Texas! Motto: When Kansas Gets Too Progressive
We're coming to you today from the Science Wing here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Well, actually it's the hall closet, but we're pretty sure there's something going on in that old pair of Nikes we threw in here back in July. Suggestion for all you kids looking for a science project: Wet sneakers, dark room.
But we digress. Actually the topic of today's presentation is evolution, or in the case of Texas, lack of evolution.
After 27 years as a science teacher and 9 years as the Texas Education Agency’s director of science, Christine Castillo Comer said she did not think she had to remain “neutral” about teaching the theory of evolution. "I got the memo last month that said the Texas legislature had approved the theory of gravity, so I just assumed. My bad," she told reporters.
But now Ms. Comer is out of a job, after forwarding an e-mail message on a talk about evolution and creationism. "We don't like it when people talk about things," said Lizzette Reynolds, deputy commissioner for statewide policy and programs. "That's how ideas spread."
Ms. Comer said that she was called in and informed that Reynolds had seen a copy and complained, calling it “an offense that calls for termination. Or as the godless evolutionists would say, extinction.”
Ms. Comer said she had no idea how Ms. Reynolds, a former federal education official who served as associate wacko to George W. Bush when he was pretending to be governor of Texas, had seen the message so quickly, and remembered thinking, “What is this, the thought police or what?”
"Uh, yeah?," Reynolds responded.
Debbie Ratcliffe, a spokeswoman for the state’s education agency, said Ms. Comer “resigned. She wasn’t fired. We told her she wanted to spend more time with her family.”
Her departure, which has stirred dismay among science professionals is a prelude to an expected battle early next year over rewriting the state’s science education standards. "Well, rewriting is a loaded word," Ratcliffe said. "Actually we're just planning to recopy standards we used before. In 1840."
“Our job,” Ms. Ratcliffe added, “is to enact laws and regulations that are passed by the Legislature or the State Board of Education and not to inject personal opinions and beliefs.” When asked whose 'personal opinions and beliefs' Ms Comer had injected, Ratcliffe replied, "Why Darwin's of course. He wasn't even an American. Did you know that?"
Ms. Comer disputed that characterization in a series of interviews, her first extensive comments. She acknowledged forwarding to a local online community an e-mail message from the National Center for Science Education, a pro-evolution group. "OK, let me stop you right there," Ratcliffe said. "Our first question to Ms. Comer was what was she doing associating with a known radical group like the National Center for Science Education. Do you know that organization is full of scientists?"
Ms. Comer said state education officials seemed uneasy lately over the required evolution curriculum. "I think it all started the day Don McLeroy, a dentist and Sunday School teacher showed up in a monkey suit started flinging feces at the board members. Afterwards I was asked several times if there was an opt out clause in Darwin's theory."
Several months ago, in response to an inquiry letter, Ms. Comer said she was instructed to strike her usual statement about the board’s support for teaching evolution and to quote instead the exact language of the high school biology standards as formulated for the Texas Essential Knowledge and Skills test which says in part "We're sorry to have to keep teaching Satan's way. Soon we will drive the nonbelievers out and get back to instructing students in blind obedience to authority."
Ms. Comer said that Tom Shindell, director for organizational development, had told her to resign or be terminated for a series of unauthorized presentations at professional meetings and other reported transgressions. "He wanted to know what I, a representative of the state education agency, was doing going to conferences on education and giving talks about educational policy," Comer told reporters.
But we digress. Actually the topic of today's presentation is evolution, or in the case of Texas, lack of evolution.
After 27 years as a science teacher and 9 years as the Texas Education Agency’s director of science, Christine Castillo Comer said she did not think she had to remain “neutral” about teaching the theory of evolution. "I got the memo last month that said the Texas legislature had approved the theory of gravity, so I just assumed. My bad," she told reporters.
But now Ms. Comer is out of a job, after forwarding an e-mail message on a talk about evolution and creationism. "We don't like it when people talk about things," said Lizzette Reynolds, deputy commissioner for statewide policy and programs. "That's how ideas spread."
Ms. Comer said that she was called in and informed that Reynolds had seen a copy and complained, calling it “an offense that calls for termination. Or as the godless evolutionists would say, extinction.”
Ms. Comer said she had no idea how Ms. Reynolds, a former federal education official who served as associate wacko to George W. Bush when he was pretending to be governor of Texas, had seen the message so quickly, and remembered thinking, “What is this, the thought police or what?”
"Uh, yeah?," Reynolds responded.
Debbie Ratcliffe, a spokeswoman for the state’s education agency, said Ms. Comer “resigned. She wasn’t fired. We told her she wanted to spend more time with her family.”
Her departure, which has stirred dismay among science professionals is a prelude to an expected battle early next year over rewriting the state’s science education standards. "Well, rewriting is a loaded word," Ratcliffe said. "Actually we're just planning to recopy standards we used before. In 1840."
“Our job,” Ms. Ratcliffe added, “is to enact laws and regulations that are passed by the Legislature or the State Board of Education and not to inject personal opinions and beliefs.” When asked whose 'personal opinions and beliefs' Ms Comer had injected, Ratcliffe replied, "Why Darwin's of course. He wasn't even an American. Did you know that?"
Ms. Comer disputed that characterization in a series of interviews, her first extensive comments. She acknowledged forwarding to a local online community an e-mail message from the National Center for Science Education, a pro-evolution group. "OK, let me stop you right there," Ratcliffe said. "Our first question to Ms. Comer was what was she doing associating with a known radical group like the National Center for Science Education. Do you know that organization is full of scientists?"
Ms. Comer said state education officials seemed uneasy lately over the required evolution curriculum. "I think it all started the day Don McLeroy, a dentist and Sunday School teacher showed up in a monkey suit started flinging feces at the board members. Afterwards I was asked several times if there was an opt out clause in Darwin's theory."
Several months ago, in response to an inquiry letter, Ms. Comer said she was instructed to strike her usual statement about the board’s support for teaching evolution and to quote instead the exact language of the high school biology standards as formulated for the Texas Essential Knowledge and Skills test which says in part "We're sorry to have to keep teaching Satan's way. Soon we will drive the nonbelievers out and get back to instructing students in blind obedience to authority."
Ms. Comer said that Tom Shindell, director for organizational development, had told her to resign or be terminated for a series of unauthorized presentations at professional meetings and other reported transgressions. "He wanted to know what I, a representative of the state education agency, was doing going to conferences on education and giving talks about educational policy," Comer told reporters.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Well, I'll Be A Monkey's Uncle. Wait, No I Won't
Some people just don't have enough to do. Apparently these people run for positions on school boards.
A majority of Polk County School Board members say they support teaching intelligent design in addition to evolution in public schools. They also support bleeding to cure disease, wearing blue beads to defend against the evil eye, and talking to flowers.
Apparently they don't have a PBS station in Polk County.
Board members Tim Harris, Margaret Lofton and Hazel Sellers said they oppose proposed science standards for Florida schools that lists evolution and biological diversity as one of the "big ideas" that students need to know for a well-grounded science education. "Give the young'uns too much a that book learnin' and they get all uppity," said Harris.
"Sides, ain't no Yankee activist judge gonna tell me what to teach my kids," added Lofton.
Board member Kay Fields said last week she wants intelligent design, which is promoted by some Christian groups, taught in science classes in addition to evolution. "I want to make very clear that just because christian groups want ID taught doesn't mean it's disguised religion," she told reporters. It's also just coincidence that the required text is the bible."
The board's majority opinion is at odds with Florida's scientific community, as well as people not on psychotropic drugs who strongly support the new, more rigorous science standards, and say intelligent design lacks scientific credibility. "What's so important about 'scientific credibility?'" asked Sellers. "We got too much credibility in schools today. We got a credibility problem. I say we need more blind faith. God, I loved that band."
Eds note: Must...resist...left...turn...
"If it ever comes to the board for a vote, I will vote against the teaching of evolution as part of the science curriculum," Lofton said. "I will also vote against the passage of time, clothing stores without a plus size department and cockroaches."
Despite the Dover case, some school board members want both intelligent design and evolution taught in Polk schools. They say they have received numerous e-mails and phone calls in support of intelligent design. "Well, I think they were in support. It was hard to tell sometimes with all the spelling and grammar mistakes," Fields said.
It's unclear how the opposition by the School Board will pan out if the new standards are adopted by the state. "Independent Republic of Polkistan, that's all I'm saying," Sellers told reporters.
Board members Frank O'Reilly and Brenda Reddout said they were unwilling to endorse intelligent design over evolution. "Using the high school pool for baptisms is also problematic for me," O'Reilly said.
"I agree, and I think we should stick to Spanish and French in our language classes and not add Speaking in Tongues as well," Reddout added.
Board member Lori Cunningham said she hasn't made up her mind. "Nobody told me I'd have to make decisions when I ran for this job," she said. "I just wanted to get back at Mr. Jessup who flunked me in ninth grade algebra. I'm coming for you jerky Jessup."
The School Board could discuss the issue at its regular meeting. "Well, if I don't get possessed by the holy spirit," Fields said. "That tends to happen a lot when we start talking about something I don't like."
"Yeah. She goes all spazzy and starts flopping around on the floor like a fish out of water," Reddout added. "Fun to watch, but we don't get much done."
"My tendency would be to have both sides shared with students since neither side can be proven," Tim Harris said. When it was pointed out to Harris that the Theory of Gravity also can't be "proven" he responded, "You mean I could fly if I just believe?"
"I don't have a conflict with intelligent design versus evolution," Sellers said. "The two go together. Hey, anybody want to share my sardine and peanut butter sandwich? It's got ketchup on it."
If the standards are adopted, local school boards in opposition will have the option of going to court, School Board Attorney Wes Bridges said.
"If the board has difficulty with the result, we will have to assess what their options may be," Bridges said. "From time to time, they are asked to do things that they don't want to do."
"Yeah. Like live in the real world," O'Reilly said.
"I heard that, heathen," Fields said. "I think I feel an attack of the holy spirit coming on."
"Well, just don't pee yourself this time," Reddout said.
In a related story, the number of parents homeschooling their children have more than doubled in Polk county since the election.
A majority of Polk County School Board members say they support teaching intelligent design in addition to evolution in public schools. They also support bleeding to cure disease, wearing blue beads to defend against the evil eye, and talking to flowers.
Apparently they don't have a PBS station in Polk County.
Board members Tim Harris, Margaret Lofton and Hazel Sellers said they oppose proposed science standards for Florida schools that lists evolution and biological diversity as one of the "big ideas" that students need to know for a well-grounded science education. "Give the young'uns too much a that book learnin' and they get all uppity," said Harris.
"Sides, ain't no Yankee activist judge gonna tell me what to teach my kids," added Lofton.
Board member Kay Fields said last week she wants intelligent design, which is promoted by some Christian groups, taught in science classes in addition to evolution. "I want to make very clear that just because christian groups want ID taught doesn't mean it's disguised religion," she told reporters. It's also just coincidence that the required text is the bible."
The board's majority opinion is at odds with Florida's scientific community, as well as people not on psychotropic drugs who strongly support the new, more rigorous science standards, and say intelligent design lacks scientific credibility. "What's so important about 'scientific credibility?'" asked Sellers. "We got too much credibility in schools today. We got a credibility problem. I say we need more blind faith. God, I loved that band."
Eds note: Must...resist...left...turn...
"If it ever comes to the board for a vote, I will vote against the teaching of evolution as part of the science curriculum," Lofton said. "I will also vote against the passage of time, clothing stores without a plus size department and cockroaches."
Despite the Dover case, some school board members want both intelligent design and evolution taught in Polk schools. They say they have received numerous e-mails and phone calls in support of intelligent design. "Well, I think they were in support. It was hard to tell sometimes with all the spelling and grammar mistakes," Fields said.
It's unclear how the opposition by the School Board will pan out if the new standards are adopted by the state. "Independent Republic of Polkistan, that's all I'm saying," Sellers told reporters.
Board members Frank O'Reilly and Brenda Reddout said they were unwilling to endorse intelligent design over evolution. "Using the high school pool for baptisms is also problematic for me," O'Reilly said.
"I agree, and I think we should stick to Spanish and French in our language classes and not add Speaking in Tongues as well," Reddout added.
Board member Lori Cunningham said she hasn't made up her mind. "Nobody told me I'd have to make decisions when I ran for this job," she said. "I just wanted to get back at Mr. Jessup who flunked me in ninth grade algebra. I'm coming for you jerky Jessup."
The School Board could discuss the issue at its regular meeting. "Well, if I don't get possessed by the holy spirit," Fields said. "That tends to happen a lot when we start talking about something I don't like."
"Yeah. She goes all spazzy and starts flopping around on the floor like a fish out of water," Reddout added. "Fun to watch, but we don't get much done."
"My tendency would be to have both sides shared with students since neither side can be proven," Tim Harris said. When it was pointed out to Harris that the Theory of Gravity also can't be "proven" he responded, "You mean I could fly if I just believe?"
"I don't have a conflict with intelligent design versus evolution," Sellers said. "The two go together. Hey, anybody want to share my sardine and peanut butter sandwich? It's got ketchup on it."
If the standards are adopted, local school boards in opposition will have the option of going to court, School Board Attorney Wes Bridges said.
"If the board has difficulty with the result, we will have to assess what their options may be," Bridges said. "From time to time, they are asked to do things that they don't want to do."
"Yeah. Like live in the real world," O'Reilly said.
"I heard that, heathen," Fields said. "I think I feel an attack of the holy spirit coming on."
"Well, just don't pee yourself this time," Reddout said.
In a related story, the number of parents homeschooling their children have more than doubled in Polk county since the election.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
If We Are All Descended From Apes, Why Are There Still Politicians?
We're coming to you today from the Ominous Portents Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. We say ominous because, on the heels of the last election (Reality won, 5 -4 in overtime) we read that Kansas (Motto: We're not apes. Yes we are. No we're not. LALALALA I can't hear you) has returned to the twentieth century. A sudden reconnection with rationality in this country does not bode well for this blog.
Now controlled by sensible human beings, the Kansas Board of Education wasted little time in beginning the repeal of science curriculum standards written by the ladies auxiliary at the First Church of Christ the Chemist. Reformed. "You think the stuff on evolution was bad," said a Board spokesperson, "You should have seen what they were planning for gravity."
But try as they might, board members aren’t likely to end Kansas’ long-lived debate over what to teach children about the origins of human life. Even as the board’s majority agreed to revisit the debate, residents with temporary visas to reality urged the board to leave the standards alone. “Evolution as it’s taught today is bad science,” said Doug Kaufman of Leavenworth. “It’s unprovable.”
When it was explained to Mr. Kaufman that science wasn't designed to be "provable," he replied, "You can't prove that."
The proposed changes would strip out language critical of evolution as well as a definition of science that would allow supernatural explanations. "We didn't think the Holy Ghost was an appropriate scientific role model," said board member Janet Waugh of Kansas City.
Supporters of the current standards repeated their argument that evolution is uncomfortable to them and that it can bias children against accepting things without question. "We have got to get over this obsession with teaching children to think," said Mr. Kaufman. "Nobody ever taught me to think, and I turned out just fine."
This will be the second time moderates on the board have acted to repeal standards passed by conservatives that cast doubt on evolution. "Yeah. We were hoping to get the Apocalypse in before this election," said Mr. Kaufman.
The board also discussed tactics for combating teacher shortages.
"Teacher shortages?" No why on earth would a teacher, particularly a science teacher, not want to work in Kansas?
Now controlled by sensible human beings, the Kansas Board of Education wasted little time in beginning the repeal of science curriculum standards written by the ladies auxiliary at the First Church of Christ the Chemist. Reformed. "You think the stuff on evolution was bad," said a Board spokesperson, "You should have seen what they were planning for gravity."
But try as they might, board members aren’t likely to end Kansas’ long-lived debate over what to teach children about the origins of human life. Even as the board’s majority agreed to revisit the debate, residents with temporary visas to reality urged the board to leave the standards alone. “Evolution as it’s taught today is bad science,” said Doug Kaufman of Leavenworth. “It’s unprovable.”
When it was explained to Mr. Kaufman that science wasn't designed to be "provable," he replied, "You can't prove that."
The proposed changes would strip out language critical of evolution as well as a definition of science that would allow supernatural explanations. "We didn't think the Holy Ghost was an appropriate scientific role model," said board member Janet Waugh of Kansas City.
Supporters of the current standards repeated their argument that evolution is uncomfortable to them and that it can bias children against accepting things without question. "We have got to get over this obsession with teaching children to think," said Mr. Kaufman. "Nobody ever taught me to think, and I turned out just fine."
This will be the second time moderates on the board have acted to repeal standards passed by conservatives that cast doubt on evolution. "Yeah. We were hoping to get the Apocalypse in before this election," said Mr. Kaufman.
The board also discussed tactics for combating teacher shortages.
"Teacher shortages?" No why on earth would a teacher, particularly a science teacher, not want to work in Kansas?
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