If You Think This Is Good, Wait Until You're Old Enough To Vote

Ah, guest speakers. We remember them fondly from our days as inmates of the American educorporate training system. Although truth be told, we weren't allowed access to the general public on too many occasions. It may have had something to do with our willingness to answer rhetorical questions, like the time the local pastor started his talk by asking what religion was. "The organized worship of a deity or deities," said one of the miscreants in the back row.

Kind of took the wind out of the good Padre's sails.

Another time the local shill from the Chamber of Commerce stopped by to extol the virtues of unfettered capitalism. "America is the only place where nothing stands between you and success," says he. "Except the color of your skin," opined Dan, whom everyone referred to as Black Panther Dan due to his rather strong views on race. Oddly enough, years later we were to find out that Black Panther Dan was actually Haitian, not African American as we all had assumed. Don't know why that matters, except it did explain his musical preferences.

Anyway, the point is if we had had guest speaker like this, maybe we'd have all turned out differently, or at least let the speaker get on with his presentation unmolested.

A state legislator surprised a high school class when the computer he was using projected a photo of a nude woman during a lecture on how a bill becomes a law.

OK, given the size of the D.C. Madam's phone book, senator Vitter, and Duke Cunningham, we're not sure that for the republicans, how a bill becomes a law doesn't really involve a naked lady somewhere. Oh, and let's not forget Mark Foley, oh wait, that one is about boys, OK let's do forget that one.

State Representative Matthew Barrett was giving a civics lesson when he inserted a data memory stick into the school computer and the projected image of a topless woman appeared.

Hmmm..."civics lesson." So that's what the kids are calling it these days. And whose "memory stick" was inserted where?

Police interviewed Barrett and school officials and seized the data memory stick and the computer to determine where the image came from, a state highway patrol spokesman said. "This is going to take hours of intensive investigation," the spokesperson said. "Hours and hours. Maybe days."

Barrett said there were a few snickers from the approximately 20 students in the senior government class at Norwalk High School when the image appeared.

"A few snickers?" See, this is what's wrong with kids today. They just don't know how to respond appropriately when presented with a true educational opportunity. Why, if anybody had of showed us a picture of a nude women back in the day, the janitors would have been hosing kids off the ceiling for a week. We knew how to make our educorporate overlords' efforts worth their while.

Barrett said the school's technology director determined the stick had a directory of nude images in addition to his presentation on civics lessons. "There was 'Voting is Bootilicious,' 'The Housewife and the Pollster,' and ''Debbie Does Democracy,' to name a few, he said.

Barrett said the data memory stick was a gift he received about three weeks ago from a legislative liaison from the state Library of Ohio. "I believe her name was Tawny Spankalot," Barrett said.