Thursday, October 11, 2007

Wait. You Mean He Got Somebody To Marry Him?

We're coming to you today from the You Learn Something Every Day Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. YLSED is a wholly owned subsidy of the Ain't That A Kick In The Head Corporation, in partnership with the It Just Goes To Show You Company.

It seems that Laura Bush is not just some actress hired to make George seem more palatable. It appears she actually lives in the White House and knows the president personally. Who knew?

First Lady Laura Bush, who once maintained a low profile when it came to international affairs, has stepped into the diplomatic spotlight by becoming a top US critic of Myanmar's military junta. "Well, truth be told, she's the only one in the administration who could pronounce Merrymir, er, Myra moore, um, well see?" said White House Press Secretart Dana Perino.

Ditching her meek, schoolteacher-librarian image for tights and a cape, the president's wife has become "Uppity Woman!" outspoken foe of people far away who probably don't speak English anyway.

"Hearing her voice, I think it inspires people to think about what's happening in Mirror ma, er, Myra man, um, Burma and to join us in taking some action," Perino said. "Plus anything that diverts people from thinking about the president can't hurt."

"The president, of course, sees Mrs. Bush as a tremendous asset and a very good spokesperson on some of these issues," Perino said, adding "especially since he still thinks China is what you eat off of."

"My influence is really in being able to shine a spotlight on human rights situations that I want the American people to look at, and keep them from looking at what we're doing," Bush said.

Bush's interest in Myanmar was sparked in 2002 by a cousin of her husband, Elsie Walker, said the first lady's spokeswoman Sally McDonough. "It came up as part of a drinking game."

Mrs. Bush began following the story in the press, which she discovered in 2006, and has repeatedly consulted with UN chief Ban Ki-moon and UN ambassadors, urging the world body to take action. "At first she thought the supply of material for the president's happy balloons was threatened, but later she learned there was no connection between Myanmar and Mylar," said a White House spokesperson. "But by then the word had gotten out and she decided to follow through."

"It is not like Laura Bush is way out on a limb with her advocacy," said Bruce Gilley, assistant professor at Canada's Queens University and an expert on Myanmar. "She is basically a voice reflecting a general consensus, at least in the West."

Yeah. Well it's not like she really cares either," said an aide to Mrs. Bush. is she really Uppity Woman, defender of people who've never heard of her, or something else...something...evil...

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