Wednesday, October 10, 2007

SITE Sent You A Video!

You know, you have to hand it to president Bush. He's managed to start an unnecessary war, kill an iconic American city, wreck the treasury, severely mangle several popular and helpful domestic programs, shred the constitution, and ensure that most of the world will hate us for the foreseeable future. And he's still got over a year left to go! We know, you're thinking surely the guy must be running out of things he can screw up by now.

See, here's where everyone misses the president's greatness. They think he's the worst president ever, oops, we mean Worst. President. Ever. Most of the country thinks he's a talentless, bumbling idiot who wouldn't know a good decisions if it came up and bit him on the a...well, you get the picture.

We here in the marbled halls of IM central are not about surface manifestations though, oh no, far from it. This blog is dedicated to deep thought and cutting analysis. Well, when we're not busy draining our weng wengs. No, not that weng weng, that weng weng. Anyway, we've subjected the reign...erm...administration of this president to the scalpel's edge of our intellect and have determined that he is, in fact, a very talented individual. His competency is incompetency. That's right, president Bush is perhaps the most adept total screwup ever to spill chocolate milk in the lunch room at 1600 Pennsylvania Boulevard.

Want proof? Check it:

A small private intelligence company that monitors Islamic terrorist groups obtained a new Osama bin Laden video ahead of its official release last month, and around 10 a.m. on Sept. 7, it notified the Bush administration of its secret acquisition. It gave two senior officials access on the condition that the officials not reveal they had it until the al-Qaeda release. By midafternoon that day, the video and a transcript of its audio track had been leaked from within the Bush administration to Fox news and broadcast worldwide.

Less that five hours from top secret to Lou Dobbs people! And you say this guy can't get things done? No wonder the islamofascistcommieninjashadowwarriors are afraid of us. We are winning Teh War On Terra!!!1!!

The founder of the company, the SITE Intelligence Group, says this premature disclosure tipped al-Qaeda to a security breach and destroyed a years-long surveillance operation that the company has used to intercept and pass along secret messages, videos and advance warnings of suicide bombings from the terrorist group's communications network.

Oh, yeah. Well, there is that too.

"Techniques that took years to develop are now ineffective and worthless," said Rita Katz, the firm's 44-year-old founder.

"Well, in the president's defense, he never really paid much attention to intelligence reports anyway," responded Dana Perino, White House Press Secretart.

The precise source of the leak remains unknown. Government officials declined to be interviewed about the circumstances on the record, but they did not challenge Katz's version of events. "When you work in this administration you get used to people pointing out that you screwed up," said one aide to the president who asked not to be named. "It's just another day at the office for us."

They also said the incident had no effect on U.S. intelligence-gathering efforts and did not diminish the government's ability to anticipate attacks. "Nothing minus nothing is still nothing," said one White House aide.

Within minutes of Katz's e-mail to the White House, alerting them to the video, government-registered computers began downloading the video from SITE's server, according to a log of file transfers. The records show dozens of downloads over the next three hours from computers with addresses registered to defense and intelligence agencies. "We thought it was porn," said a spokesperson for Homeland Security."

While acknowledging that SITE had achieved success, the officials said U.S. agencies have their own sophisticated means of watching al-Qaeda on the Web. "We have individuals in the right places dealing with all these issues, across all 16 intelligence agencies," said Ross Feinstein, spokesman for the Office of the Director of National Intelligence. "But most of all we still have the magic eight ball," he added.

Al-Qaeda supporters, now alerted to the intrusion into their secret network, put up new obstacles that prevented SITE from gaining the kind of access it had obtained in the past, according to Katz. "It's a redirect to," she said.

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