Thursday, April 09, 2009

Give Us Your Poor, Your Tired, Your Huddled Masses, But Keep Those Weird Names

Here in the marbled halls of IM Central we enjoy occasionally welcoming friends from the Middle Kingdom (Maotai Running Dogs! Man, them Commies can sure distill the spirits, what?). In an attempt to bridge the cultural gap, said friends have, on occasion offered to teach us certain words and phrases from their language. These efforts have met with limited success, however we are pleased to report that we can say hello (Ni Hao). Good-bye (Zi Zian). Where is the bathroom? (Che-Shou Zai Na-li) and we're working on We are Foreign Devils (Wo shi wai mo). We tell you this by way of establishing our credentials in commenting on the latest bit of cultural sensitivity emanating from the great state of Texas (Motto: Y'all don't look like no Americans).

A Texas legislator, during House testimony on voter identification legislation said Asian-descent voters should adopt names that are easier for Americans to deal with. "Now, I can say Kung Pao's chicken, and sushi and stuff like that there," said state Representative Betty Brown, R-etard. "But when you all go putting all those X's and Z's in your names and such, well, there's just no way this old north Texas tongue is ever going to be able to wrap around that. 'Sides, I'm not even sure X's and Z's are American letters to begin with."

Ramey Ko, a representative of the Organization of Chinese Americans told the House Elections Committee that people of Chinese, Japanese and Korean descent often have problems voting because "you people have an IQ that is only slightly above that of tap water."

"See, now Ramey Ko, I can say that name," Brown said. "Even Wun Hung Lo and Wo Flung Dung, but I think the real question here is why do you Asian people think you can come over here to our country and vote anyway?"

“Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese — because Lord knows we'd have to learn your whole language to say them crazy names right— do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to dumb down your culture to something a fourth grader could handle?” Brown said. "You're in America now Mr. Chinaman. You need to get you an American name. Everybody knows it's easier for a poll worker to write Billie Bob on a voting slip than Zhang Zung Zowie."

Democratic Chairman Boyd Richie said Republicans are trying to suppress votes with a partisan identification bill and said Brown “is adding insult to injury with her disrespectful comments.”

"Ain't nothing disrespectful about it," Brown countered. "Have you seen the people we get to work the polls in Texas? We're lucky if they can read the signs on the restroom doors and they don't end up peeing in the janitor's closet."

Brown spokesman Jordan Berry said Brown was not making a racially motivated comment but was trying to resolve an identification problem. "All them Orientals look alike you know," he said. "We've got to have some way to tell them apart."

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

History sure repeats itself...sounds like how they kept the blacks from voting not to mention keeping the women folk at home with the bread.
Can't somebody tell all these REE-PUBLIC-CANS, to take a hike beyond their cattle stalls and try a plane for starts. It's not a coincidence Bush was an idiot about people, worldwide; some people only feel safe with grits and peanut butter.

Anonymous said...

Betty Brown looks like Betty Boop. (only Betty Boop looks better.)
Dear Betty: please get rid of the do, smudgy lips and self-mutilating eyebrow pluckers. Your outfit sucks, too.
Time to try and look intelligent even if you can't be "yellah" like all them computer whizzes and Chinese math geniuses hired by IBM and Technocrats . Maybe if you 'd square dance to the nearest library and pick up some Chinese philosophy it might make them speeches sound a little more unique. You Texans sure do know how to look real stupid and feel even better about it.
Thank you God, for Obama.

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