Monday, April 13, 2009

BREAKING: James Dobson Says Republicans Lied. In Other News, Sun To Set In West.

So, yesterday we celebrated the day Ishtar returned from hell, or was that Dayton. We're never sure about these religious holidays. Here in the states we call that Easter, and as with so many of the old pagan holidays, it's been co opted by the Christians who never saw a party they didn't want to crash.

So the Christians are a fairly opportunistic religion, sort of like Karposi's Sarcoma, but that's not what we want to write about today. Easter is one of those holidays that sort of creeps up on us--and sometimes creeps right by depending on what is on sale down at the neighborhood adult beverage emporium, so we were a little behind the curve when we ran across this.

The White House is allocating tickets for the upcoming Easter Egg Roll to gay and lesbian parents as part of the Obama administration's outreach to diverse communities.

Ruh Ro, thinks us. This is not going to sit well with the guardians of America's virtue. In fact we think we can already hear the steam coming out of James Dobson's ears.

America's religious right has conceded that the election of US President Barack Obama has sealed its defeat in the cultural war with permissiveness and secularism.

We're sorry. What? You're giving up?

Leading evangelicals have admitted that their association with George W. Bush has not only hurt the cause of social conservatives but contributed to the failure of the key objectives of their 30-year struggle. James Dobson, 72, who resigned recently as head of Focus on the Family - one of the largest Christian groups in the country, acknowledged the dramatic reverse for the religious Right in a farewell speech to staff.

Wait a minute. Are you telling us that George Bush was such a tremendous screw up that even god couldn't overcome his incompetence? God? The supreme guy. Master of the universe and all that. God just threw up his hands one day and said, "George, your idiocy cannot be defeated," and that's how we got Obama?

“We tried to defend the unborn child, the dignity of the family, but it was a holding action,” Dobson said. “We are awash in evil and the battle is still to be waged. We are right now in the most discouraging period of that long conflict. Humanly speaking, we can say we have lost all those battles.”

See, that's where you went wrong: "Humanly speaking." You should have taken Cheney's advice and gotten inhuman on all those homos and abortatrons. Like men? How'd you like to lose some of those well manicured fingernails? Don't wat to be a sperm receptacle? How about a little waterboarding?

Though the struggle will go on, the confession of Mr Dobson, who started his ministry from scratch in 1977, came amid growing concern that church attendance in the United States is heading the way of Britain, where no more than ten per cent worship every week.

Ten percent? You can't run an operation on that. Man, looks like more layoffs at Focus on the Family. Hope your retirement portfolio is diversified Dobby, or you're likely to be saying "Welcome To Walmart" in the near future.

Recent surveys have suggested that the American religious landscape has shifted significantly. A study by Trinity College in Connecticut found that 11 per cent fewer Americans identify themselves as Christian than 20 years ago. Experts speculate that this is due to better prenatal care and universal hygiene improvements. Those stating no religious affiliation or declaring themselves smarter than a box of rocks has risen from 8.2 per cent in 1990 to 15 per cent in 2008.

“All that time spent trying to sit at the top table is not time well spent. Republicans say one thing and do another.” said Steve Deace, an evangelical radio talk show host.

Oh really. You don't say. What was your first clue?


Jenna McWilliams said...

I'm so happy about your blog. Keep it up.

Jenna McWilliams said...

oh, and i'm kind of a homie too, if you want to get all technical about it. Tho I live in Boston now, I'm a Michigander, born and raised.

Anonymous said...

Well...the French are famous for lack of attendance and having mistresses,openly.. all up and up, of course. (Mitterand, to the present)
However, when a President of the USA not only lies deliberately and knowingly and yet still maintains his innocence,(and being a staunch right winger), well...we definitely go back to European ties.(and gladly)
Cheney and Rove and Limbaugh and Palin and all the big mouthed liars have truly turned Americans on their toes. All of these fools have been an embarassment and no-one wants anything to do with any of their it political, religious or "intellectual". are done.