Straight Eye For The Queer Guy

As professional curriculum technicians at our local educorporate training facility, we'd like to offer our services to the vatican as they attempt to design an evaluative instrument for the purpose of determining the particular skill set needed for entrants into the priesthood. Well, the particular skill set not needed in this case, bu that's minor quibble.

The Melbourne Catholic Church has embraced a vatican recommendation to test potential priests for sexual orientation.

Very good. Now, the first step the aspiring test giver must take is to determine which type of test will adequately measure the skills and knowledge he or she wishes to test. Usually the choices are multiple choice, true false, essay, or some combination, but in this case due to the special nature of the test and its rather narrow focus we suggest show tunes.

Under the guidelines, potential priests who "appear" to be gay must be banned.

Ah ha. A common mistake among less experienced evaluative interlocutors. Appearances are often deceiving and do not constitute an empirically valid level of measurement upon which a determination can be based. Allow us to explain with an example from your own country: Mel Gibson. On the surface, the subject appears rational, sane and arguably talented, yet he wrote and directed Apocalypto apparently expecting that people would want to see it. It turns out, however, they were much more interested in his views on Semite culture than Mayan.

The head of the Vatican committee that made the recommendations has made it clear celibate gays should also be banned because homosexuality is ‘‘a type of deviation’’.

Well, we have to admit that given what's come to light the last few years, the vatican certainly knows a lot about deviancy, so the potential to measure it is probably well within their means.

Victorian Gay and Lesbian Rights Lobby spokeswoman Hayley Conway said the church was sending a ‘‘dangerous and offensive’’ message about sexuality.

Not true at all. The very act of creating a test determines that some things are important (those that are tested) and some things are not (those that aren't tested, say empathy and compassion, just as examples).

‘‘If the plan is to root out pedophilia or child molestation, targeting people with homosexual tendencies isn’t the way to go about it.’’

Of course not, Ms. Conway. Would you expect a history test to measure mathematical skills? Another instrument will have to be created for measurement in those areas. Perhaps the vatican could contract with an expert in those fields to conduct intensive interviews with incoming seminarians. We hear Michael Jackson isn't busy.

Outspoken Catholic priest Father Bob Maguire said the document ‘‘flies in the face of secular society’s sense of fairness and justice’’. ‘‘The point is not to what gender you are attracted, but how you manage that attraction,’’ he said.

Well said father. Couldn't have stated it better ourselves. Or maybe we could have.