Specter Fails Crazy Test; Must Rejoin Adult Society

You know, some days we wish we were republicans, and no, not for the discount on Xanax, but because nothing bad ever happens to republicans. Now, take Arlen Specter, republican senator from Pennsylvania since, oh we don't know, Benjamin Franklin's time? Anyway, he wakes up yesterday, walks out on the veranda and says forget it, I'm outta here, and suddenly the world has one more democrat.

Now, personally, our reaction was "meh," but we figured this was a great thing for democrats. Silly us.

I wonder if today’s Arlen Specter party switch, this time to the president’s party, won’t end up being bad for President Obama and the Democrats. With the likely seating of Al Franken from Minnesota, Democrats will have 60 seats in the Senate, giving Obama unambiguous governing majorities in both bodies.

See, now we would have thought that having more people leaning your way in Congress than leaning against you would be a point in your favor. Just shows why these people get paid the big bucks for applying the power of their intellect to the ebb and flow of events in the nation's capitol, right Mr. Gingrich?

Arlen Specter's decision to leave the Republican Party in name as he left it in spirit over the stimulus vote is further proof that high taxes, big spending and big government are unacceptable to Republican voters. All 16 of them.

Ha! take that president Bush! Wait. What? You were talking about Obama?

This switch is a function of personal survival and will make clearer the profound difference between the Democratic Party of big government, big bureaucracy, high taxes and big unions and the Republican Party of lower taxes, less bureaucracy and small business, with its emphasis on the work ethic, civil society and local control back home.

Boo Yah! Yeah, republicans! lower...um...less...erm...work...OK we're confused. Senator DeMint, can you help us out?

DeMint, a hero of the conservative grassroots, denied that his party has tilted too far to the right. "I don't think many Americans are going to agree that the Republican party has become too conservative," he said. "If you look at our record of spending, our record on every issue, the problem I think we have is Americans no longer believe that we believe what we say we do."

Well, yes, yes we can see that. Go on.

"I think you'll see this next election to be totally different," DeMint predicted. "Pat Toomey, who is running in Pennsylvania, is one of the most mainstream Americans I know."

Oh, we get it now. Specter knew he couldn't beat Toomey, who holds mainstream American views as opposed to Specter's loony left positions, so Specter bolted to the socialist democratic party where his America hating is more acceptable. Plus he'll be able to date the Muslim chicks. Thanks for clearing that up. Man, senator DeMint, he's a pretty smart cookie, huh senator Graham?

Graham said that politicians like Toomey — the former Club for Growth president who was leading Specter in Pennsylvania's Republican Senate primary — are the exact reason the GOP is languishing in places like the Northeast. He said "the people that they run in primaries wind up losing the general election."

Well, there are more important things than winning elections Mr. Let's-Get-All-Practical-Up-In-Here Graham. There's...ah...there's...mmm...there's...well, there's Sarah Palin! Yay republicans!