Tuesday, August 31, 2010

We Want You To Leave, But Maybe You Could Come Back Once a Week Or So Just To Clean Up a Bit

You know, we like to make fun of the Bubbas from time to time, especially those who call the Palmetto State home, but today? Well, actually today is no different.

Ha! Got you there didn't we? You thought we were going to say something like, but today is different, or today we have to give credit where credit is due, or today there was a frost/freeze warning in Hades.

Nope. Different day, same Bubbas.
If you go to fill up your tank in West Columbia you may see the message "One nation under God and if you don't like it, leave." A viewer sent us a picture of the pump while getting gas at a station on Highway 1 near Big Lots in West Columbia.
Now, we know what you are thinking and there's no need to worry. We checked and there are three Walmarts in West Columbia, all within a couple of miles of one another, so the fact that this story takes place near a Big Lots is in no way indicative of any sort of loss of faith on the part of  the better living through $1.29 a pallet bathroom tissue set.

In fact, this story represents a quantum leap forward in the ongoing christian war of exclusion, intolerance and prejudice because, rather than going down to the Big Lots and buying a bunch of poster board to scrawl misspelled sputterances upon, these people have learned to use technology to further their xenophobic goals. Yay Technology!
One woman says she continually gives the station her business because of the message. She hopes more people do the same. "I disagree totally 100% about taking God out of the system," the woman said.
OK we're going to have to assume she's talking about more than the gasoline production and distribution system because we're pretty sure god has more important things to do that monitor the worldwide movement of combustible hydrocarbons.
"One nation under God and if you don't like it, you can leave." The bold digital statement has been there for a year. In fact, all the customers we talked to like it. "I think it's good," said one driver. "I think people should have a choice, if they don't like it, they can leave."
Well, there you go then. Pretty clear, but we do have just one questions. Since it's the Bubbas who are doing all the complaining about how they don't like what happening in the country today, shouldn't they be the ones leaving?

This reminds us of when we were much younger Ironicii. It was during one of America's many wars, we can't remember which one, or maybe it was the same one just in a different country. Anyway, we used to occasionally run across an upstanding citizen who would tell us, usually in a rather loud voice that this was America and we should love it or leave it.

A noble sentiment in and of itself, but, as we attempted to point out to our interlocutor, actually implementing it could prove counterproductive. See, when there is a war, the people most likely not to be enamored of continued hostilities are most likely to be those with the highest probability of being killed or maimed in it, eg: young people. Now, if all the young people who generally supply the bone, tissue and viscera in these situations were to actually leave, that would mean individuals like the aforementioned sloganeering patriot would have to get up out of their Barcaloungers and go fight their own wars.

Similarly, our wide bottomed friends in West Columbia have failed to realize that if everyone except the Bubbas left this country it would be Armageddon as soon as the Piggly Wiggly exhausted their supply of 2 liters and Ho Hos. And don't even get us started on the ensuing carnage when word got around the the local KFC was about to run out of Double Downs.

So while we can applaud the Bubbas belated entrance into electronic messaging, we have to say that not only has logic once again escaped them, it has cleaned out their pantries, their bank accounts and run off with their wives.


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