Open Carry! It's Way Better Than A Sock In Your Pants

When we were small Ironicii we used to enjoy a rousing episode of Cowboys and Indians. Mostly we got to be cowboys due to our matched set of chrome plated cap-guns, complete with fringe trimmed holsters. OK, maybe not chrome plated--more like shiny plastic, but the accoutrement that really sealed the deal for us was our authentic cowboy hat which our old daddy brought home to us from his extensive travels out west. Or maybe he found it behind a Bar, we were never sure.

The other thing we weren't sure about was what to do with the gun in the right holster, since we were left handed. Sure we could change once we'd emptied the first gun, but that was a little awkward, as we had to holster the first gun, then pull the second gun out with our right hand, and  switch as we couldn't hit anything shooting right handed. Once John Bianchi, the designated Indian, figured that out he would immediately launch a counter attack upon hearing clicking of our empty pistol which often resulted in the historical inaccuracy of the Indians actually winning, and our untimely deaths.

Even that wasn't terrible though as we were great diers. Positively Shakespearean. Well, we tell you all of this by way of fond remembrance, and to say that eventually (right around the discovery of girls and alcohol) we outgrew our Acrylonitrile butadiene styrene coated six shooters,  fringed holsters, authentic cowboy hat, and the desire to roam the neighborhood in search of the Bianchi tribe's tepee--which was usually a blanket thrown over the clothesline in his backyard. Apparently some of our contemporaries did not.

Coming to Royal Oak this Labor Day weekend: The city's first Arts, Beats &; Eats festival -- and the first one allowing open-carry guns.

Well, in the gun owners' defense the word Beat is right there in the title,. They do have a right to protect themselves you know. Plus Artists can be notoriously unstable. That Van Gogh guy? Carried a knife. Wasn't too good with it we hear, but you never know when someone might get lucky.

"The fact that the city recognized the law and supported the hundreds of thousands of people who carry firearms every day is a huge victory," said Scott Webb, regional coordinator for Michigan Open Carry Inc.

"Hundreds of thousands"? Umm...will there be a beer tent? Maybe we'll just take in a movie that weekend.

"It's been a complex issue," said Jon Witz, the festival's organizer, but he said he supported the commission's decision. "We don't anticipate any incidents" at the festival, Witz said.

Yeah...complex issue. Allow emotionally stunted manboys with penis issues to run around armed like it's World War III, or have a family oriented festival at which adults act like adults and drink too much, and children eat and run until they puke. Complex indeed. And "We don't anticipate any incidents"? Isn't that what Wyatt Earp said on his way down to the OK Corral? An "incident" that wouldn't have occurred by the way, if the three cowboys had been not been allowed to bring their guns into town as the town ordinance ordered. Just saying.

Some residents and festival supporters balked at the idea of guns at a family-friendly venue, one saying it "has turned the city into a circus."

Well, that might be true, but who's going to walk up to some dude packing heat and call him a clown, huh? He had enough of that in high school. That's why he's carrying in the first place. That and chicks dig big guns.

"It doesn't seem like this is the place for that," said Tom Krell, who attended the meeting. "Why do you need to bear arms at an event where families go to have a good time?"

Hey. Have you seen the way kids act today? Next little rug rat that cuts in the elephant ear line is gonna get a lead spanking.