Monday, August 02, 2010

Milkbones: The Muslim Secret Weapon

We're coming to you today from the Yeah, Whatever Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. YW is a division of the Heard It All Before Corporation, a wholly owned subsidy of Tell Me Something I Don't Know, Inc.

By now you've all heard about the Bubbas being taken to the fainting couches because the dirty mooslims want to reconstruct Mecca in Lower Manhattan so they can snatch women off the streets and dress them in Burkas made of the Constitution while the men are shipped off to FEMA camps, forced to grow beards and eat falafel three times a day until they become suicide bombers.

Frankly, we're a little confused by all this since the Bubbas hate New York City almost as much as they hate Musselmens, what with it being the capitol of liberal, elitist, latte drinking Birkenstock wearing ,college graduates and all. Plus, the Yankees.

Guess they figure it's easier to hate people than places. Anyway it turns out the movement has gone national because now wherever the Ali Babbas try to get out of the rain, there you will find the followers of Christ laying that good old bible smackdown on them. Old testament style.
Plans to build a permanent mosque near two existing Temecula churches are expected to be the target of an organized protest next week.
Man. Talk about there goes the neighborhood. Got old Allah moving in right next door to Jesus, Mary and Joseph like this is some sort of affirmative action suburb or something.
An e-mail alert sent to area newspapers last week announced that a one-hour "singing – praying – patriotic rally" at the Islamic Center’s existing facility. The advisory – sent by a leader of a conservative coalition that has been active with Republican and Tea Party functions – recommended participants "bring your Bibles, flags, signs, dogs and singing voices."
OK, the my god is better than your god peeing contest we can understand. Seen that lots of times before. But, dogs?
It suggested that rally participants bring dogs because Muslims "hate dogs."
 Look pal, if you want to go through life an ignorant bigot fine, but let's not go dragging the pooches into this. Besides, Muslims don't hate dogs. Check it:
The historian William Montgomery Watt states that Muhammad's kindness to animals was remarkable for the social context of his upbringing. He cites an instance of Muhammad posting sentries to ensure that a female dog with newborn puppies was not disturbed by his army traveling to Mecca in the year 630.

According to one story, Muhammad is said to have informed a prostitute who had seen a thirsty dog hanging about a well and given it water to drink that Allah forgave her because of that good deed.
Got to believe old Muhammad wouldn't have been a big fan of greyhound racing too. Dude talked to animals:
In one account, a camel is said to have come to Muhammad and complained that despite service to his owner, the animal was about to be killed. Muhammad summoned the owner and ordered the man to spare the camel.
OK, stop us if you've heard this one...Muhammad and St. Francis of Assisi walk into a bar with a talking camel...

Well, the point is we've long gotten used to people hiding their hate behind the mask of religion. In fact, if we were more mathematically inclined we might even be able to discern the value of the inverse proportion between tolerance and  religiosity, but what's really grinding our gonads is these  cementheads want to take dogs, who will basically like anybody who gives them a scratch or a biscuit and use them to advertise their owners narrow minded xenophobia.

Hey Billie Bob, what's this do to your theory?


Got to feel sorry for dogs owned by people that stupid, don't you?

3 comments:

Seeing Eye Chick said...

If they was real 'Mericans, they would have brought their pot bellied pigs and had a Grill your Bacon protest.

Sad thing about the whole shebang really. I get annoyed with lots of people over religion, but it's not usually for the alleged sin of breathing.

A World Quite Mad said...

Actually, strict fundamentalist Muslims believe that dog slobber is unclean, not dogs themselves. But really, dog slobber is kinda gross, I can see why someone would think that LOL

Sorta like pork with trichinosis... that's why they don't eat pork you know. Someone way back when ate some, got sick and decided god didn't like it and neither did they =P

What would be funny is if the Muslims came up to the protesters and were like "aw, cute doggies!"

Seeing Eye Chick said...

Not to put too fine a point on it, but like Camel Spit isn't unclean?

Actually she is right. Even in the Bible a fate worse than death was being a leper and having dogs lick your wounds.

Which is ironic. because as gross as it would seem, there are enzymes in dog slobber than can help heal wounds.


Perception is all I suppose. Maybe the Muslims should counter picket the churches dressed in Harry Potter Costumes while doing Live Action Vampire.