Politico! Motto: Screw You, We Like Sarah

We're coming to you today from the Department of Mixed Messages here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The DoMM is a division of the Cognitive Dissonance Corporation in partnership with Preference Bias, LLC.

It seems the Politico gone all sciencey with a survey and found that people like Sarah Palin, except for those who don't, which means everybody likes Sarah Palin. Yay science!

Despite a torrent of criticism from the media, Democrats and even some in her own party, Sarah Palin remains the hottest brand name in politics.

Ha Ha Ha Ha! Suck it, Democrats. Can't touch this. 2012! 2012! 2012!

Her recent resignation was perplexing. It’s raised doubts about her viability as a potential presidential candidate.

Oh. Umm...20...er...16? 20?

Still, she remains extremely popular with the GOP grass roots, and most Republican Party leaders would jump at the chance to have her headline one of their events.

Yeah baby! Sar ah! Sar ah! Sar ah! Wait. There are republican party leaders in China?

As part of an effort to gauge Palin’s popularity with the rank and file beyond the Beltway, where the GOP establishment is lukewarm toward the charismatic former governor, POLITICO surveyed nearly 50 prominent Republican Party officials and politicians, representing every region of the country and ranging from statewide-elected officeholders to state legislators to state and county party chairs.

Phffft! Washington republicans. What do they know? They already got elected. Probably don't even try to scam the voters into giving them money anymore. Let's get out to the heartland. Let's get to the real America!

Some refused to talk about her at all. Others, mostly her critics, would do so only off the record. But taken as a whole, the body of interviews revealed that despite Palin’s high negative ratings in recent national polls, Republicans at the grass-roots level and their leaders still hold a very favorable impression of the former Alaska governor.

OK what are you saying here? Republicans in Washington don't like her. Republicans outside of Washington won't talk about her unless it's criticism, and most of the country doesn't like her but she's still wildly popular with...what? Six people in Oklahoma?

A USA Today/Gallup Poll conducted after she announced her plans in early July found that 70 percent of voters did not change their opinion of her after she decided not to finish her first term. Seventeen percent said they viewed Palin less favorably and 9 percent said their opinion of her improved.

All righty then. Let's apply some of that mad Ironicus Maximus statustistical interpretatomundo mojo to that there poll and see what we come up with. Now, the subject had "high negative ratings" in the first place. Then she bailed on the people of Alaska and that caused 70 percent of the voters to go all like, what ever, which means they didn't like the bi...er...governor in the first place. Then 17% changed their minds from GILF to that sister is whack. That leaves...let's see...subtract six, carry the four, divide by eight. Yep. Six people in Oklahoma.

Scott Sales, the minority leader of the Montana House, referred to her “curb appeal” among the party’s rank and file.

Hey, calm down buddy. You guys have enough trouble with the "curb appeal" of somebody else's wife. Plus The First Dude doesn't strike us as the kind of guy who be willing to put a price tag on throwing the schlong to his wife. OK we could be wrong about that.

In Montana, Max Hunsaker, the executive director of the state GOP, said “Now she’s damaged goods and for the good of the party, we need to rethink. She’s not going to be our solution for a leader,” Hunsaker said. “She shouldn’t be our standard-bearer in four years. That’s pragmatic, and that’s being merciful toward her.”

"Damaged Goods"? Come on Max, there's no way she wasn't a virgin when she and Todd were...oh, you're talking about politics. We thought it was a family values thing, you know, like getting pregnant out of wedlock or something.

Christine Toretti, a Republican national committeewoman from Indiana, Pa., had a similar reaction. “I don’t see Sarah Palin as the leader of the Republican Party going forward from the conversations that I’m having with women in Pennsylvania,” said Toretti. “There are those who are absolutely crazy about her — they say she’s the Jennifer Aniston of the Republican Party. And then there are other people that say, ‘What’s this all about? She’s airing all of her family dirty laundry.’”

Nope, that's Levi. Pay attention people.

Party leaders said that ultimately Palin’s political future hinges on how she uses her time away from public office. Debbie Cox-Roush, the GOP chairwoman in Florida’s Hillsborough County, put it this way: “2012 depends on what Sarah Palin does between now and 2012.”

Whoa. Dude, that's some seriously astute political analysis you got there. Even our mad Ironicus Maximus statustistical interpretatomundo mojo can't top that.