I Guess They Figure If Some People Will Vote for Sarah, They'll Vote For Anybody

Hmmm...This is interesting. Guess his career as the conservative Michael Moore didn't quite work out.

Speaking to a room full of church certified, non-pedophile US catholic leaders, Ex-senator Rick Santorum was challenged to run for the Republican Presidential nomination. Responding to a room already thick with delusion, Santorum revealed that he was indeed "thinking about it" but asked for prayers and detailed his thinking on the matter. "I would certainly need a miracle from god to get elected," Santorum said, "because most of the voters who can walk and chew gum at the same time think I'm a whacko."

Santorum is not only a catholic in name, but a faithful one who is noted for being so unpopular he lost his senate seat even before the campaign started, working to make failing to fast during lent a felony, and bring meatless Fridays back. He revealed that he has seven children, which makes him a Gold level catholic. He would need to get to ten children to make the Platinum membership level which would qualify him for a plaque from the pope.

Considering how his children may themselves be the targets of nasty politics, as has happened in the recent past, gives Santorum pause. "That weighs on me," he said. "I mean, cripes, even without me running little Ricky gets shoved into his locker, or pushed into the girl's bathroom four or five times on a good day, and Elizabeth, well, I'm her father and I love her, but that girl is just flat out strange."

"On the other side," he added, "as a father, I've got to think about whether they are going to have a country to live in … Well, I guess that's bit of an overstatement. I mean, after all, you can't get kicked out of the country for being stupid. Can you?"

In closing he said that while he was "thinking about it", it is the first time his ambition which is, as he said, "in his DNA" was checked by a resistance saying, "no, I'm not sure." Several shouts of protest erupted at his mention of DNA and one audience member challenged Santorum on his belief in evolution.

"Do I believe in evolution? Santorum responded. "Not in front of this crowd."

Ending the session, self described catholic political powerhouse Deal Hudson (President George W. Bush's catholic advisor until Bush realized there was a catholic in the White House) cited Plato's famous saying that the best governors are those who do not wish to govern. "But we're stuck with Ricky, so, wev."