Tuesday, September 15, 2009

In Which Ironicus Cares For The Reader

We're coming to you today from the Complaint Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Complaint Department is a division of the You Talking To Me Corporation, in partnership with What Has Two Thumbs and Doesn't Give a Crap, Inc.

Reader Anonymous has taken issue with some of our popular culture references. To wit:
Like I am constantly looking up "crap" from all your "worldly knowledge".
I have never seen "wev".
I thought it was like "wave" and "hello".
I then think no way..IM is not that cordial, particularly with Republicans.
Sure enough, I go Google and it means "whatever".
Which makes me think maybe I don't understand a f... word you have to say!
Now, regular readers of this blog have accepted disappointment as their life long traveling companion...er...we mean regular readers will see Mr. Anonymous' mistake at once. Well, it could be Ms. Anonymous, which brings up an important point. Certainly we here at IM World Headquarters understand and accept the need to remain anonymous while commenting on a blog such as this one. There are appearances to by kept up after all. Spouses, partners and employers have no need to know that you spend your time down here on the wrong side of the intertracks. And of course there are the children to consider.

Still, at times like this one it would be helpful at least to know the gender of the misguided person we are addressing. If only there could be a way to distinguish such a thing without tearing away the curtain of mystery. A way to give us a quick glimpse through the fog of enigma. A flash of light as it were, in the puzzle of darkness. The Romans had the right idea. Anonymous for the guys, anonymae for the gals.

Where were we?

Oh yeah, the commenter. Well, as you can easily see, this person is laboring under the delusion that this blog is supposed to make sense as indicated by the closing comment: "maybe I don't understand a f... word you have to say!"

Sir, or madam, the truth of this blog stands before you, yet you do not see. If you read us, do we not dismay? If you parse our thought, are we not found wanting? Do we have to draw you a picture?

Let's go back to the beginning: "Like I am constantly looking up "crap" from all your "worldly knowledge."" Now, we can "tell" from your use of "quotation" marks that you have found the "proper" descriptor for the vast majority of the "content" on this "blog," yet it appears you have "failed" to grasp the "import" of your own "discovery."

Crap, man, crap. And you're looking it up. What are you thinking? OK, when you get to worldly knowledge, you have us there. Being denizens of a nationally ranked, premier research institution puts us in elbow rubbing proximity to some of the finest minds in the country. Well, if it weren't for all the restraining orders.

The lunchroom can be very lonely for us.

Did we have a point?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes. The point is the whole wheat with cheese is probably the best .
And at the very least, I think I got your conclusion.
"wev"
anonymae

skyewriter said...

Funniest thing I have read online this week so far:

Now, we can "tell" from your use of "quotation" marks that you have found the "proper" descriptor for the vast majority of the "content" on this "blog," yet it appears you have "failed" to grasp the "import" of your own "discovery."

My personal opinion: Every troll deserves an education... even if it is at their own expense. Anyone too much of a "pussy" to "fake" (or fail to "create") a screen name must have some serious social "phobias" out in the "real" world. As in "scared" of "his/her" own "shadow" as well as those cast by "others."

You rawk, IM.

Funny VW: petible as in trolls are able to function as pets therefore, petible.

scripto said...

Holy "crap"! That's a long way around to tell someone to go f... themselves.

Seeing Eye Chick said...

It is a testament to I.M. Sexual prowess that he or she took so long, to tell someone to go fuck themselves. And that was after some lovely metaphorical foreplay.

I for one, am in need of a fresh pair of undies.

Each "quotation" mark was like a nipple tweak of impudence. Clearly someone needs to be spanked.

Is it hot in here? Or is it just my ergonomically designed keyboard?

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Let Al Pacino beat that. (and "Hollywood"!)

Anonymous said...

Ditto for all of it!

Anonymous said...

Perfect.

Anonymous said...

Hard to believe it may be even better than "Sister Lucy".
The funniest!