Monday, May 21, 2007

Ambassador. Take This Message To Your President: Yo' Momma

We're coming to you today from the Department of Unfortunate Metaphors, a subsidiary of the Sleeping in History Class Corporation. Iran's policies of standing up to the United States have set off a "powerful bomb in the world of politics" bigger than the atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima, Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei said.

The comments, carried by state television and radio, come amid prolonged tension between Washington and Tehran over Iran's nuclear program. Umm...Supreme Leader? Ali? Dude. You don't want to be reminding our current president of times we dropped the bomb on folks. See, the chances are pretty good he thinks Hiroshima is a sushi dish.

See, SL, here's the deal. You're trying to get a nuclear program, we have one. Now, normally that would be the place to start a discussion. You know, nuclear proliferation, incentives, disincentives, back and forth all that...whatdyacallit...diplomacy?

But these are not normal times. You may not have noticed, but currently the United States is governed by a team of individuals who, and we mean this in the best possible way, think shock and awe is a diplomatic initiative.

"Even Europeans are speechless before this oppressive America, but the Iranian nation by its actions and stances has placed a question mark over all the rules and principles of this oppressive power," Khamenei said.

Yeah yeah, that and a buck will buy you a cup of coffee when your country is glowing in the dark. Look, SL, we know you want nuclear weapons because you see North Korea has them and they didn't get invaded, but Iraq didn't and they did. It makes sense in a totally depressing and frightening sort of way, but you have to remember you're dealing with an alcoholic, drug addict spoiled rich kid who's broken everything he's touched. Somebody has to be the adult here, that's all we're saying.

U.S. and Iranian officials are due to hold a rare face-to-face meeting on May 28 in Baghdad. But both sides say the talks will focus on Iraqi security, not other issues.

Oh, yay. Now we're getting somewhere.

Washington accuses Tehran of fueling the violence in Iraq a charge Tehran dismisses. Iran blames the U.S. occupying forces for the bloodshed. Yeah, right. OK, what we want to know is who's momma is ugly?


George said...

I'm trying to figure out the economics of it--would a cup of coffee cost more or less than a buck after a nuclear strike? Sure, there's less coffee, so less supply, but there are fewer people to drink the coffee, too, so less demand. Plus everything is a microwave so heating the coffee is cheaper.

Sure wish I took that Apocalypse Economics course.

Ironicus Maximus said...

While it is true that there are certain complications inherent in post apocalyptic economic systems, there are also some consistencies, IE: the predicted survival of cockroaches, and Starbucks

George said...

You are redundant, sir.