Wednesday, March 21, 2007

In Other News, McCain Thinks Giuliani Is A Fat Head

We're coming to you today from the My Daddy's Bigger Than Your Daddy Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Seems the Emm Ess Emm, or as we like to call them, Reporters Without Enough Seniority to be Assigned to Britney or Paris, have decided that Hillary and Barack are a spattin'. Presidential hopeful Barack Obama reminded Senate colleagues that he'd opposed the Iraq war from the start — the latest flare-up in a continuing clash over the conflict with his chief Democratic rival Hillary Rodham Clinton. Despite repeated requests from reporters, Obama would not drive over to Clinton's office and throw a rock through her window. "Does this guy really have what it takes to lead the free world?" Fox commentator John Gibson asked. "He's not white, you know."

Since the media have decided that both candidates' credibility and leadership are on the line because that's easier than writing about their positions, Obama said he wanted to make his record clear. "Look, if John Edwards can apologize even 15 seconds for voting for the war, I can remind you just as often that I didn't." When a reporter reminded him that he was supposed to be attacking Clinton he added, "Yeah. Um...She's kind of chunky, don't you think?"

The matter came to a head at a forum at Harvard University, where Clinton strategist Mark Penn squared off with Obama adviser David Axelrod over the Illinois senator's voting record on the war. "Obama ugly," said Penn. "So's yo mama," Axelrod responded.

In an editorial in the Wall Street Journal, guest columnist Matt Drudge characterized the debate as "one of the most important exchanges in the campaign. And I'm not gay."

"Iraq is the issue that is first among equals right now, and these candidates are under incredible pressure from party activists to talk about it in a detailed way," Democratic strategist Erik Smith said. "So when Obama tells us he's against the war, we need to know more. What was he wearing the day he decided to oppose it? How did he get to work? Is he a dog person or a cat person? If he could be a tree, what kind of tree would he be?"

Clinton has been under pressure from Democratic activists critical of her vote. She's refused to repudiate the vote, but has harshly criticized the conduct of the war, saying "if we knew then what we know now" she never would have voted as she did. "How was I to know I'd be up against a black man in the primaries?"

Voters care more about ending the Iraq conflict than revisiting how it started. "That's true," said Obama aide Axelrod. So the senator is going to continue supporting toothless resolutions that Bush can ignore."

"The same goes for Senator Clinton," added Penn. "That's a policy both camps can agree on." Later, reporters told Axelrod that a rumor was going around that Penn had called him names at lunch in the cafeteria. Senator Obama's office later released a statement that said both camps would work out their differences "at recess."

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