Tuesday, March 20, 2007

We Can't Do Worse Than Bush, Can We? Please Say We Can't

OK, we know, even though it's early in the season, you've been wondering about which presidential candidate will receive the coveted Doesn't Make Us Throw Up In Our Mouths Endorsement from the denizens here at IM Central.

Well, you're just going to have to keep waiting because so far no candidate has been able to accomplish the aforementioned feat. Of course the fact that we put Stoli on our corn flakes could also have something to do with our penchant for throw...umm...let's get on to the next issue, shall we? What we want to say is we remain fully and decisively indecisive. Of course we are aware of the responsible and exalted position we hold in the blogoshere, and are completely cognizant of our duty to those readers who look to us for guidance, inspiration and Mojito recipes...oh wait, that's George. Come to think of it, guidance and inspiration comes from our Lord and Master, Dark Prince of the Internet Tubes, The Evil Kos.

So basically, our analysis and recommendations are about as useful and sought after as a screen door on a submarine.

But when has that ever stopped us?

Gather round oh, readers with too little to do, for today, here in the marbled halls of IM Central, we inaugurate a new feature to appear sporadically, as in when we remember we started it, called Meet Defeat 08: This Is The Best We Can Do? in which we introduce you to the losers who are so power hungry, so driven by naked ambition, so deeply in the pockets of the special interests and completely divorced from the concerns of regular citizens that they can't help but give themselves to the country out of their strong desire to serve and better our nation. First up, John Straight Talking Maverick™ McCain.

Republican presidential hopeful John McCain praised a new apartment building for homeless veterans. "I'd just like to say to all those serving now, that when you become homeless veterans, we've got your back." McCain said. "Well, if you live in New Hampshire, that is," he continued. "Of course pretty soon this building will be filled, so those of you who become homeless after that are just on your own I guess. What is my position on homeless veterans who don't have a home? Can somebody get me that?"

McCain, a Vietnam war veteran who endured years of torture as a presidential candidate, spoke at the dedication of Buckingham Place, a 20-unit apartment building that will open next month. "I'd also like to thank the Queen and Prince Charles for grasiously donating this building...er...what's that? Place, not Palace? Oh. What's my position on spelling?"

Just days before the dedication ceremony, Buckingham Place and a shelter for homeless veterans in Manchester, N.H., learned they would not be getting $400,000 federal grants they had expected. "What's that? They're not getting the money? Oh, bummer. You should write your Congressman or something. Well, I'm out of here."

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