Come To Vermont, Motto: Cheney Can't Shoot All Of Us

Full disclosure: We are not Constitutional Scholars. Just wanted to get that out there for those of you who may have been confused by our learned discourses of matters legal, as well as the erudite exegeses of complex and convoluted political, social, scientific and religious issues that you have come to expect by the authors of this blog.

We crack us up.

Anyway, with the limited knowledge of the constitution we have, we're pretty sure states can't impeach the president. More than 30 Vermont towns passed resolutions seeking to impeach president Bush. "We're trying to determine if Vermont is actually part of the United States," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob. "It's pretty close to Canada you know."

"We're putting impeachment on the table," said James Leas, a Vermont lawyer who helped to draft the resolutions and is tracking the votes. "It's quite possible that Vermont is a part of the Axis of Evil that we had overlooked," Snowjob told reporters. "The president is considering dispatching a carrier group to the area."

The resolutions passed on Vermont's annual town meeting day -- a colonial era tradition where citizens debate issues of the day big and small -- are symbolic and cannot force Congress to impeach Bush. "Oh, that's different," said a spokesperson for the Pentagon. "Would you please all hand back those flyers showing how we think Vermont has WMD's?"

The idea of impeaching Bush resides firmly outside the political mainstream. The new Democratic-controlled Congress has steered clear of the subject, and Wisconsin Senator Russell Feingold's call last year to censure Bush -- a step short of an impeachment -- found scant support on Capitol Hill, even among fellow Democrats. "Do you want to see Cheney president?" asked one democrat who declined to be identified. "We may be cowards, but we aren't stupid cowards," he added.

Sixteen Vermont towns passed a separate "soldiers home now" resolution calling on the White House, the U.S. Congress and Vermont's elected officials to withdraw troops from Iraq. "Why does everyone keep dumping this in Congress' lap?" complained one democratic senator. "Like we're supposed to solve all the country's problems."

Residents of Burlington were voting on a separate question calling for a new investigation into the September 11 attacks. Voters were asked to circle "yes" or "no" to the question: "Shall Vermont's Congressional Delegation be advised to demand a new, thorough, and truly independent forensic investigation that fully addresses the many questions surrounding the tragic events of September 11, 2001?"

A group known as Scholars for 9/11 Truth believes the events of that day were part of a conspiracy engineered by the U.S. government and that it took more than two planes to bring down the Twin Towers in New York.

"Really?" said Snowjob when told of the ballot question. "See, this just proves that these people are a bunch of far out nut jobs whose connection with reality is tenuous at best, who only see what they want to see and assume that something will be true just because they think it is. Oh wait, that's us."