My Secretary Of State Gonna Be 50 Cent

Oh, so now we see why the democrats are so hyper about ending the war in Iraq. They want to start one in Pakistan. Well, Barak Osamabama does anyway.

Democratic presidential candidate Barack Osamabama that he would send troops into Pakistan to hunt down terrorists even without local permission if warranted. "If you elect me president, I'll have my foot so far up Osama's scrawny behind that my toes will be tickling his tonsils."

The Illinois senator warned Pakistani President General Pervez Musharraf that he must do more to shut down terrorist operations in his country and evict foreign fighters. "That's right Mushroom, or Mushmouth, or whatever your sorry Arab name is. I'm a bad man. Don't make me come over there."

Osamabama's speech comes the week after his rivalry with New York senator Hillary Rodham Clinton erupted into a public fight over their diplomatic intentions. "You want senator cleavage to be president?" Osamabama asked the crowd. "I'm from the streets, man. I'm packing."

Osamabama said he would be willing to meet leaders of rogue states like Cuba, North Korea and Iran without conditions, an idea that Clinton criticized as irresponsible and naive. "I'll meet those dudes, ain't no thang," he said. "I say, 'come on little Kim. Meet me out back. Bring your boys. We'll have a throw down.'"

After the speech he invited the press along to watch him beat up gay guys.

In Other News, McCain Thinks Giuliani Is A Fat Head

We're coming to you today from the My Daddy's Bigger Than Your Daddy Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. Seems the Emm Ess Emm, or as we like to call them, Reporters Without Enough Seniority to be Assigned to Britney or Paris, have decided that Hillary and Barack are a spattin'. Presidential hopeful Barack Obama reminded Senate colleagues that he'd opposed the Iraq war from the start — the latest flare-up in a continuing clash over the conflict with his chief Democratic rival Hillary Rodham Clinton. Despite repeated requests from reporters, Obama would not drive over to Clinton's office and throw a rock through her window. "Does this guy really have what it takes to lead the free world?" Fox commentator John Gibson asked. "He's not white, you know."

Since the media have decided that both candidates' credibility and leadership are on the line because that's easier than writing about their positions, Obama said he wanted to make his record clear. "Look, if John Edwards can apologize even 15 seconds for voting for the war, I can remind you just as often that I didn't." When a reporter reminded him that he was supposed to be attacking Clinton he added, "Yeah. Um...She's kind of chunky, don't you think?"

The matter came to a head at a forum at Harvard University, where Clinton strategist Mark Penn squared off with Obama adviser David Axelrod over the Illinois senator's voting record on the war. "Obama ugly," said Penn. "So's yo mama," Axelrod responded.

In an editorial in the Wall Street Journal, guest columnist Matt Drudge characterized the debate as "one of the most important exchanges in the campaign. And I'm not gay."

"Iraq is the issue that is first among equals right now, and these candidates are under incredible pressure from party activists to talk about it in a detailed way," Democratic strategist Erik Smith said. "So when Obama tells us he's against the war, we need to know more. What was he wearing the day he decided to oppose it? How did he get to work? Is he a dog person or a cat person? If he could be a tree, what kind of tree would he be?"

Clinton has been under pressure from Democratic activists critical of her vote. She's refused to repudiate the vote, but has harshly criticized the conduct of the war, saying "if we knew then what we know now" she never would have voted as she did. "How was I to know I'd be up against a black man in the primaries?"

Voters care more about ending the Iraq conflict than revisiting how it started. "That's true," said Obama aide Axelrod. So the senator is going to continue supporting toothless resolutions that Bush can ignore."

"The same goes for Senator Clinton," added Penn. "That's a policy both camps can agree on." Later, reporters told Axelrod that a rumor was going around that Penn had called him names at lunch in the cafeteria. Senator Obama's office later released a statement that said both camps would work out their differences "at recess."

And When I Come To Crawford, He Lets Me Drive The Pickup Truck

Ah, come on. Why is everyone so upset over Australian Prime Minister John Howard's attack on the democrats. Well, mostly Barack Obama, but, hey, you smear one democrat, you smeared them all.

But back to the point: Why does anyone care what this guy says. Let's get real here. He's Australian. Have you seen the size of those guys' beer cans? The whole country has to be wasted most of the time.

So Sullivan said the terrorists were praying for Obama to win. Is that any wonder after they learned from our main stream media that his middle name is Hussein, he dresses like the president of Iran and he went to a radical islamocommiefascistninjashadowwarrior school? If you were a terrorist, wouldn't you pray for a fellow like that too?

Mr Howard, a steadfast supporter of President George W. Bush in the Iraq war, insisted that his criticism of Mr Obama's plan to withdraw US combat troops in Iraq by March 31 next year wasn't in Australia's national interest because it would represent a defeat for Australia's most important military ally. "Look, the terrorists are brown and Obama's brown. These people don't fight their own, that's all I'm saying," Howard told reporters.

When reporters pointed out that the bulk of the violence in Iraq now was between Shi'a and Sunni, Howard responded that he wasn't aware the Chinese had become involved in the region.

Mr Howard''s foray into US politics dominated the day's session of parliament and news bulletins in Australia. It also triggered a sharp response from Mr Obama and senators on both sides of US politics, including one who called the comments "bizarre".

"Bizarre? I'm bizarre?" Howard asked. "You got a country that's more interested in a dead actress than a real war, where a non story about how the Speaker of the House didn't ask for an air force plane to get home is front page news, and a leading presidential candidate who thinks the earth is only 6000 years old, and I'm the bizarre one? How big are their beer cans?"

The risk for Howard is that his inflammatory remarks will reinforce perceptions that he's placing a close personal relationship with Bush ahead of the broader national interest. "We've planted trees together," Howard said by way of explanation. "That creates a very special bond between men. Sort of like combat."