Wednesday, February 28, 2007

BREAKING: Edwards Apologizes For War Vote. In Other News, Day Said To Be Bright; Night Dark

OK, look we're as much for open government as the next person, well unless the next person is Bush, or Cheney, or Gonzales, or...umm...where were we? Oh yeah, honest politicians, Hahahahahahahahaha!! No really, where were we? Ah, John Edwards:

John Edwards said that honesty and openness were essential qualities for a president, and that he was proud to acknowledge his 2002 vote authorizing the invasion of Iraq was a mistake. That made it the 863 apologies he had offered this month alone. Officials at the Guinness Book of Records had been contacted to certify if any records had been broken. "If we didn't make it this month, we'll try again in March," an Edwards campaign spokesperson told reporters.

Asked whether his repeated apologies for his vote would be a turnoff to voters over time, the 2004 vice presidential nominee said that after six years of "president Doofis McBonerhead voters craved a president willing to acknowledge errors and change course if necessary. And I'm the change course guy," Edwards continued. "Give me a course and I'll change it. Then I'll apologize for changing it. Or maybe for being on it in the first place. Which would you prefer? I'm a man of the people. I'm sorry I said that. I'm a man of vision."

"If you asked me what I think the most important personal characteristics of the next president are, I would say honesty, openness and decency," he said. "And I apologize to those who may not agree with me. There's not a single voter in America who doesn't understand that their president is human, and their president will sometimes makes mistakes. And if elected I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for all the mistakes I'll probably make."

At a voter forum in Carson City, Nevada, Edwards said Clinton's decision not to disavow her vote was "between her and her conscience, but it seems she has the conscience of a scheming harpy driven by cold ambition and a thirst for power. I'm sorry I said that. Did I mention I apologized for voting for the war?"

Voters, the former North Carolina senator said, "want you to be willing to apologize when something's not working, or maybe even when it is, I don't know. Sorry about that. We've had six-plus years now of a president who is completely unwilling to do that, and I'm sorry about that too."

Later Edward's apologized for calling Bush "president Doofis McBonerhead" and his office handed out a 12 page press release describing how the candidate had arrived at his decision to apologize for his war vote headlined, "Edwards, The Sorry Candidate."

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