Your Name Is George? My Name Is George Too. What Are The Odds?

OK, first off we need to put an end to the rumor that president Bush spent the day sulking in his room because yesterday was president's day and he didn't get any presents. Not true. Laura got him a nice tie. Well, Laura's personal secretary got him a nice tie and gave it to the president's personal secretary, who then had it examined by homeland security. Anyway, long story short, a tie eventually got to the president after he got home from a hard day of presidentiating.

Bush linked the U.S.-led war on terrorism on Monday to the country's struggle for independence led by George Washington more than 200 hundred years ago. "It's just like Washington said before the battle of Gettysburg," Bush told reporters, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

Bush visited the snow-covered grounds where Washington lived and died and which today is a popular tourist attraction. "I come here today to pay my respects to the man who led this country through the great depression. Even though he himself was very depressed because he was a cripple," Bush said. "Today a lot of you are depressed, but not because you are crippled. Well, some of you are crippled, but I'll save that speech for veteran's day, heh, heh. Anybody want a nickname?"

Joined by his wife Laura, with a military honor guard wearing Revolutionary War uniforms standing at attention, Bush laid a wreath at the tomb of the first American president on the Presidents Day holiday to mark Washington's birth 275 years ago. "Who are the guys dressed up like fags," Bush was overhead to say. "Bet Dick could do some 'quail hunting' around here, heh heh."

Bush said Washington's Revolutionary War leadership inspired generations of Americans "to stand for freedom in their own time. Just as Washington charged up San Juan hill to defeat the Barbary Pirates, so to we today must stand up to the Pirates. Or maybe it's the Steelers. I'm not really a sports fan, although I did wreck a baseball team once."

"Today, we're fighting a new war to defend our liberty and our people and our way of life from a bunch of guys living in caves. And as we work to advance the cause of Halliburton and KBR around the world, we remember that the father of our country fought so Dr. King could sit anywhere on the bus he wanted, regardless of what the king said. Well, the British king, not Dr. King. See, they were both kings, but our king wasn't royal, well, not that he wasn't a good man, just...I think I lost my point," Bush said.

The House of Representatives voted last week to oppose his troop buildup in a nonbinding resolution, while a similar measure in the Senate failed to advance due to opposition from Bush's Republican allies. "We had allies in World War II also," Bush said. "So this is like that war too. Who was president then? Was it dad?"