Thursday, February 01, 2007

BREAKING: Boston Attacked By Cartoon Terrorists; Jack Bauer On Alert

Now, we hate commercials as much as the next guy, except when they provide us with the opportunity to refresh our adult beverage and not lose the thread of the program we weren't watching in the first place, but this seems a might extreme.

A judge ordered two men held on bond Thursday for allegedly placing electronic advertising devices around the city. "It wasn't that it was just advertising," said Mayor Thomas Menino. "It was advertising that you had to be young to get."

Officials found 38 blinking electronic signs promoting the Cartoon Network TV show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" on bridges and other high-profile spots across the city, prompting the closing of a highway and the deployment of bomb squads. "What I want to know is why did these people put these advertisements in high profile areas?" asked Mayor Menino. "I think we're not getting the whole story."

"It's clear the intent was to get attention by causing fear and confusion among old people," Assistant Attorney General John Grossman said at their arraignment. "Plus I don't get that cartoon. I think it's subversive."

"The appearance of this device and its location are crucial," Grossman said. "This device looks like a bomb." Some in the gallery snickered. "Well it does." Grossman shot back. "OK, bombs don't generally give you the finger, but we don't know what TV shows the terrorists watch."

"It is outrageous, in a city full of old people that a company would use this type of marketing scheme," Mayor Thomas Menino said Wednesday. "I am prepared to take any and all legal action against Turner Broadcasting and its affiliates for any and all expenses incurred by residents who ran through their supply of Depends while watching the news."

Peter Berdovsky, one of the men responsible for placing the boxes said, "I find it kind of ridiculous that they're making these statements on TV that we must not be safe from terrorism, because they were up there for three weeks and no one noticed."

"Three Weeks? Three Weeks? They were up there for three weeks? Sweet Jebus on a pogo stick we could all be radioactive ash right now," Mayor Menino said. "Well, if they had been bombs, I mean. Does anyone here watch 24?"

"It's almost too easy to be a terrorist these days," said Jennifer Mason, 26. "You stick a box on a corner and you can shut down a city."

"It's not just a box," Grossman said. "It's a box with flashing lights."

As soon as Turner Broadcasting, the owner of the show, realized the Boston problem law enforcement officials were told of box locations in 10 cities where it said the devices had been placed for two to three weeks: Boston, New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Ore., Austin, Texas, San Francisco and Philadelphia. "Everyone else was like, whatever," said a spokesperson for Turner. "In New York, all the signs had already been stolen."

Authorities are investigating whether Turner or other companies should be criminally charged, Attorney General Martha Coakley said. "We're not going to let this go without looking at the further roots of how this happened to cause the panic in this city," Coakley said. "The fact that we're a city of wusses has got to be Turner's fault somehow."

"Aqua Teen Hunger Force" is a cartoon with a cultish following that airs as part of a block of programs for adults on the Cartoon Network. A feature length film based on the show is slated for release March 23. "Not in Boston," Menino said.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Pass the word:

Peter Berdovsky Legal Defense Fund
Law Office of Michael L. Rich
74 Newport Street
Arlington MA 02476