Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Sure He Can Blow Up Buildings, But How Is He On Golf Junkets?

Now, we imagine a lot of folks are going to be upset by this, but we think it's just a sign that the Iraqis are going after some of the good old fashioned American style democracy. It's just that their crooks are a little...um...more direct in their crookery than ours.

A man sentenced to death in Kuwait for the 1983 bombings of the U.S. and French embassies now sits in Iraq's parliament as a member of Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki's ruling coalition, according to U.S. military intelligence. "What?" asked Prime Minister Maliki, "You guys have Duke Cunningham, Bob Ney and Tom DeLay. We can't have a sociopath or two?"

Jamal Jafaar Mohammed's seat in parliament gives him immunity from prosecution. Washington says he supports Shiite insurgents and acts as an Iranian agent in Iraq. "Yeah, he's sort of like our K Street project," said a spokesperson. "Except with guns instead of golf. Bet you guys wish you'd thought of the whole 'immunity from prosecution' thing huh?"

Western intelligence agencies also accuse Jamal Jafaar Mohammed of involvement in the hijacking of a Kuwaiti airliner in 1984 and the attempted assassination of a Kuwaiti prince. "Hey, Mohammed has admitted to his drinking problem," a spokesperson for his office told reporters. "And he's completed rehab. So let's just get on with the business of rebuilding Iraq OK?"

"We don't want parliament to be a shelter for outlaws and wanted people anymore than the American Congress is," al-Maliki said. "This is the government's view, but the parliament is responsible. I don't think parliament will accept having people like [him] or others currently in the parliament. Of course you guys have William Jefferson, so what do I know?"

The prime minister says the situation is embarrassing -- not only to his government but to a U.S. administration that holds up Iraq's government as a democratic model for the region. "If only the guy was a money launderer or something," a spokesperson for the government said. "Then we could say 'look, we're just like the Americans, democracy is on the march.'"

No comments: