Thursday, March 10, 2005

Why Don't We Just Start With Homo Free Zones?

A while back we told you about Delores Jackson, an old school chum of ours who took issue with us on the playground after school because we had targeted her little brother at dodge ball. Truth be told, he was a little slow and we did have a wicked arm back in those days.

Anyway, Delores didn't see it that way and impressed her opinion upon us with the back of her hand. And the front. And probably the side too, but we tell you this to point out that Delores wasn't a bully. At least not the kind these legislators in Iowa are trying to control.

Well, were trying to control until Sen. Paul McKinley found out the bill would also protect the homos. McKinley said he's all for safe schools, but said he doesn't agree with including a list of specific groups to be protected. "I mean come on," the Senator said at a news conference before he hosted WWF's Smackdown in Corn Town in Des Moines, "If we start saying you can't beat up the homos, then we'll also have to say you can't beat up the nerds, or the poor kids, or the cripples. Pretty soon you won't be able to look at another student without getting in trouble, let alone stuff them in their locker."

Not all of Senator McKinley's constituents agree with his strategy though. "I happen to be a lifelong, rabid Republican who has a gay daughter," said Ted Coppock, a Des Moines businessman. "When she went to school at Saydel High School she was faced with these issues. There were many times when she came home from school crying because she had been harassed or bullied."

When asked how he coped with the situation, Mr. Coppock replied that he bought the school and expelled anyone who had picked on his daughter. "The free market solves another problem," he added. "Maybe we could just pay the homos to move to Nebraska."

Now there's the kind of compromise I can get behind,," Senator McKinley exclaimed when told of Mr. Coppock's suggestion, "No pun intended by the way," he added.

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