Iraq? Ain't No Thang.

Today's stop of the Bush Administration's "My Bad" tour, which tries to explain how we got into the war in Iraq is in Japan, where we feature former Secretary of State Colin ("I have the facts") Powell explaining we may have been too "blustery" in our run up to the war.

Colin, baby. When umbrellas get turned inside out, that's too blustery. When men get their hats blown off, that's too blustery. When small dogs get blown across the parking lot, that's too blustery. When you ignore the world and launch around 800 cruise missiles on Baghdad over a two day time span, over twice the number of missiles used in the entire first Gulf War, which lasted for 40 days, that's not because of "bluster." That's some flat out, wild eyed, spit slinging, hand waving, talking in tongues, craziness.

Powell also was quoted by Stern magazine as saying that the ongoing insurgency in Iraq is "much bigger" than anticipated. "Actually we didn't expect any insurgency," he continued. "When the president asked the eight ball what would happen after the fall of Saddam, it said 'The future looks bright.'"

He also said Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld's labeling of France and Germany as "old Europe" did not help. "Don's a little hard of hearing," the former Secretary explained, "and he may have dozed off at the meeting. What we wanted him to say was 'Bold Europe.' We figured it would play well in France."

When asked about his presentation to the UN in February of 2003 in which he claimed he had factual evidence that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction, Powell replied, "Some of this information was wrong. I have to live with that. Can't say the same for over 1500 of the troops we sent over there, or the hundreds of Iraqi children who will die of malnourishment since we invaded, but hey, life goes on, you know?"

He defended the U.S. invasion despite the continuing insurgency. "Yes, the insurgency is much bigger than we assumed. But I'm happy that Saddam is in jail. And I'm darn glad that we will never again have to talk about weapons of mass destruction in connection with Iraq," Powell said. "Well, come to think of it we didn't need to talk about weapons of mass destruction in the first place," he continued, "because they didn't have any. Ha. How ironic. You Japanese folks get irony, don't you?"

As the news conference ended, the Secretary was heard to say, "Hey, where can a man get a burger around here? I've looked at my last plate full of sushi, let me tell you that. And I'm not just blustering either. Going to be some shock and awe if I don't see a Big Mac coming my way pretty soon."