Abort Iron Eagle. Abort Abort!

Yesterday we wrote about Representative Sam Johnson's offer to personally intervene in the abandoned hunt for WMD's by single handedly piloting an F-16 to Syria and depositing a pair of nuclear calling cards on their hiding place. Mr. Johnson did not explain how he came by knowledge that apparently slipped by every other intelligence gathering office of the government, or why he waited so long to make his offer, but no matter, we are now able to say that this brave patriot need not risk his life because WE HAVE FOUND THE WMD!

Representative Johnson, please, put that flight suit back on the hook. The WMD aren't in Syria. They're on eBay.

We're sure intelligence agents all over Washington are smacking their foreheads with the palms of their hands and going Of course! It's so obvious! What better way to disperse an arsenal, and turn a tidy profit in the bargain.

Now Representative Johnson can get to Washington and get this country back on track. Mr. Johnson, can you help us with marriage?

The primary responsibility of marriage in the family is parenting.

Brilliant. Now, how about a hand with Social Security?

So many things have changed since (1935). People are living longer and having fewer children.

Brilliant. Umm...wait a minute. Should people who aren't carrying out the primary responsibility of marriage be rewarded with a guaranteed income as they live out their longer, childless lives?

Let's face it. The Massachusetts Supreme Court made their own law. San Francisco's Mayor made his own law. County officials in New Mexico made their own law. Liberal elitists all across America want to subvert the will of the people by dismantling the time-honored tradition of marriage and all that it stands for.

Oh, so that's what you mean when you say the primary responsibility of marriage is parenting. But couldn't a same sex couple be parents?

Sadly, same-sex marriage has become a high-priority issue. Immediate intervention at the highest level of national law must be taken if we want to stop activist judges and pandering politicians out for personal gain.

Got it. So which category do you belong to? Oh wait. You're not a judge are you?