Thursday, March 17, 2005

GM Promises To Name Their New SUV The Caribou

ANWR. Before the neighborhood went bad. Posted by Hello
We've felt for years that those millions of migratory birds, caribou, three species of bears (polar, grizzly and black bears), Dall sheep, muskoxen, wolves, arctic and red foxes, wolverines, and the rest up in ANWR were getting a free lunch from good old Uncle Sam. There they were, just wandering around on their 19.6 million acre wildlife sanctuary while we picked up the tab for protecting them.

Well, yesterday the Senate closed the buffet. Welcome to the ownership society sanctuary where you get as much sanctuary as you can pay for. What's that you say Mr. Caribou? Can't work because you don't have any hands? Tough break. Keep your head down so you don't bump the pipeline.

"This project will keep our economy growing by creating jobs and ensuring that businesses can expand," President Bush said in a statement. "And not only jobs for my oil compadres," the president continued, "but also for all those botanists, zoologists, biologists and them other brainy types who will be up there categorizing all the species we're destructifcating and extinctifying. It's like a full employment bill for eggheads."

The oil industry has sought for more than two decades to get access to the oil. Or maybe not. But there's 10.4 billion barrels of oil up there. Or, maybe not. But America needs whatever oil is there. Or maybe not. OK. OK. But at least we can drill up there safely, Well, maybe not.

Democrats accused Republicans of "an end run" by attaching the refuge provisions to the budget instead of the energy bill. "It's the only way around the filibuster," countered Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska. "Besides, when you're trying to do something ecologically unsound, economically inconsequential, and ethically suspect, you're expected to bend the rules a little."

When asked if he expected any negative political fallout from his constituents back home as a result of his vote, Stevens, replied, "I doubt it. Muskoxen can't vote and no polar bear ever contributed to my campaign."

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