Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Go Ahead. Make My Math Class.

We would be the first to admit that we weren't what you might call model students during the years we haunted the hallowed halls of academe. And while we are sure some of our instructors fantasized about it, it wasn't until yesterday that we learned the NRA is suggesting that teachers be allowed to shoot their students. Man. Talk about an incentive to get your work in on time.

"I'm not saying that that means every teacher should have a gun, but what I am saying is we need what waving a piece in some punk's face will do for classroom discipline,” said NRA’s first vice president, Sandra S. Froman. "No gun law could possibly prevent someone intent on destruction, so why bother having any laws at all?” She continued.

"We want more marksmen, not more laws," she explained. "I mean, take that kid in Minnesota. If it is the responsibility of teachers to protect students in a school, then we have to provide a way for the teachers to do that. I'd bet if one of those teachers had a Glok, or a 357 he could have popped the little psycho the minute he got out of the car."

When asked if she thought economic conditions, or lack of jobs and opportunity, or health care at the reservation could have played a role in creating conditions that lead to the shooting, Mrs. Froman replied, "Hey. They live out in the country. They couldn't hunt? They couldn't fish? They're indians for crying out loud. That's how they live."

"Besides," she continued, "Those aren't the schools I'm really interested in. I'm talking about our schools. Schools where my children go to school with...well, let's just say schools where my daughter sits in classes with boys I wouldn't let her date and leave it at that."

When asked to clarify her point she replied, "Look. All over the country schools, are in turmoil. Walk into any school today and you're liable to hear every language but English, most of the faces you see aren't white. Now I'm not against equal opportunity, but if these people are going to come over here and live in our country, they need to learn to play by our rules, and nothing teaches rules better than looking down the barrel of a 9 millimeter."

To emphasize her point, Mrs. Froman took out her revolver and shot over the heads of the audience. After the screaming and running stopped she said, "See. Got your attention didn't I?"

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