It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp

You have to feel sorry for Newt Gingrich. We mean, his first wife goes all cancery on him which totally took the buzz off dumping her so he could do the wham bam with Marianne Ginther whom he married so it would clear the way to play hide the sausage with the lady who would become his third wife, Callista Bisek who is approximately 20 years younger than he is, which makes sense because with a track record like that Newty's going to need a younger woman to keep up with him, the old horn dog.

Oh, wait, she made him become a catholic. Well, that just means he's going to have to feel guilty for giving the fourth Mrs. Gingrich a ride on the bone pony before the third Mrs Gingrich's ticket is punched. Plus he'll probably have to drop a little extra sumpin sumpin in the collection plate to get the pope's official okey dokey before he gives Callista the big vade in pace.

So while all this Dominus Vobiscum stuff is going on, the Newtster started himself a 527 group to try and skim off some of that sweet sweet conservative luchre the family values crowd likes to drop when they hear the right words. Sort of like Pavlov's dogs except they tend to drool dead presidents.

Things were going along great until the group decided to give out an award to the Entrepreneur of the year. No big deal you're thinking, happens all the time. True, except this is Newt Gingrich, family values king and defender of America's virtue. So when he gives the award to a porno queen more than a few eyebrows were raised. If by eyebrows you mean...well, never mind. On a side note, the tickets for the awards banquet sold out in less than 20 minutes.

Well, needless to say this was a situation up with which Newt could not put. So Mr. Sanctity of Marriage has a sit down with Porno Lady and says we need to get something straight between us, but before they can consummate the issue Newt has to pull out and head over to the church because it's one of those catholic holy days and he promised Callista he'd show up and help the priest hand out the little jesuses at communion which he totally hates because every time someone walks up and sticks their tongue out it reminds him that democrats have taken over both Houses of Congress and there's a darky in the White House. The White House for chrissakes.

Now you're thinking yeah, yeah, another story about a republican saying one thing and doing another, family values blah blah blah, come here honey and sit on daddy's lap, it's not even Ironicus at its Maximus anymore.

And you'd be right except for one thing. He. Did. It Again.

Dawn Rizos, owner of The Lodge, which the Morning News calls "one of the best-known gentlemen's clubs in Dallas," was named an "Entrepreneur of the Year" by Gingrich's conservative group.

OK here's our suggestion, next time don't take your nominees out of Newt's address book.