Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Scientology! Motto: Hey, We're No Crazier Than The Mormons

In the spirit of the impending All Hallows Eve we're coming to you today from the Department of Couch Exorcism. The DoCE is a wholly owned subsidy of the When Good Actors Make Bad Movies Corporation, a Division of the Evil Warrior Demons LLC.

And what, in this season of ghosts and goblins could have caught our eye, you ask? Was it the angel or the demon, the pirate or the nurse, the law enforcement officer, the witch, the fairy, the...uh...where were we?

Oh yeah, Churches. It seems the Church of Scientology has "hit a rough patch."

Right, so we're thinking how could things get worse for a "Church" whose central tenet is that Xenu, the dictator of the "Galactic Confederacy" brought billions of his people to Earth in a spacecraft 75 million years ago, stacked them around volcanoes and killed them by making them watch reruns of Welcome Back Kotter?

Now, before we go on, for those of you getting out the phonebook and looking for the nearest Scientology location, that's XenU, not XenA, although truth be told, we always like Gabrielle better. Mmm...Gabby we've been very very bad. Why don't you bring that stick over here and..What? Oh, sorry. Lost our train of thought. Is it hot in here?

What was our point? Oh, yeah, how things could get worse for a church whose major deity is a cartoon character. Well, being declared a fraud by French judges for one, although you'd think that would be a little anti-climatic after the volcano thing, but it appears the judges were not amused by some of the church's practices:
The judge in Paris ordered the Church of Scientology to pay a €600,000 fine (roughly US$900,000) and sentenced its French leader to two years in prison along with a €30,000 fine (US$44,000) for "organized fraud." France refuses to acknowledge the group as a religion and views it as a profit-generating commercial organization.
Say what you will about them Frenchies, they know a profit-generating commercial organization when they see one. That's why Ken Copeland and Joyce Meyer have never been to France.

And as for "organized fraud?" Well, nobody does it better than Deus Pater. Just ask Rowan Williams. He got an offer he couldn't refuse.


Anonymous said...

It is exactly this corrupt version of "papal infallibility" that makes "a pope" like Ratzinger, ( the present book seller, and once again , for profit,) who, unabashedly and "fervently" and demandingly so, was the first to initiate the selling of his own books and "teachings" in order to strain the produce for what he, precisely, wants to crop.
It's his own kind of flavor, with a crisp note and never to be "gravied".
Believe it, and believe it my way, or forget the scholarship and a "new way of life".
As one does say, these books should not go for anything but a cheap sell on any bookshelf and should never, ever, be given priority , just because "the pope" says so.

Jenna McWilliams said...

I wish their motto could be 'we give you planets toooOOOOooooooo"

scripto said...

Wake me when Benedict reaches out to the Xenubians. If the Anglican Rites can be incorporated into the Roman Church does it work the other way around? I mean can I skip a Sunday now and again and forego the ritual cannibalism? Just asking.