Tuesday, October 14, 2008

When Reality Gives You Lemons, Make Beaulieu Picpoul De Pinet, 2007

We're coming to you from Republican National Headquarters today. We're down in the basement outside the optometry shop where all the rose colored glasses are manufactured. Currently, John McCain’s chief strategist Steve Schmidt is being fitted with a pair of wraparounds.

Schmidt said that the campaign is “well within striking distance” of Barack Obama. When reporters stopped laughing, Schmidt explained: "All it would take is one misstep on the part the Obama campaign and we'd be right back in it." When asked what kind of misstep he was talking about Schmidt replied a misstep like "Obama walking in front of a bus."

“We are running in a very difficult political environment, that’s not a secret to anybody that’s out there,” Schmidt said. "We've based our campaign on lies, innuendo and character assassination when people are concerned with the economy, the war and jobs."

"There’s a lot of the media right now that is writing Senator McCain off for the third or fourth time this year," Schmidt continued. "Trouble is, this time we're not matched up against plastic man or Jesus' sidekick."

Schmidt blamed the financial crisis for the campaign’s current state, pointing out that before the crisis McCain was running ahead of Obama. "If people would just go back to caring about things that don't matter, like gay marriage, or the importance of Obama's friends when he was eight years old, we'd be surging."

But while the financial crisis likely won’t recede from the headlines by Election Day, Schmidt still believes the campaign has a path to victory if McCain wins in Florida and Ohio. “We need to win Florida, we need to win Ohio. We feel great about our chances to do that,” Schmidt said. When asked how he expected a victory in states clearly leaning to Obama, Schmidt replied that he was banking "on that bus thing."

The McCain strategist expressed optimism over Obama’s “history of closing weakly in his campaigns,” while claiming that McCain historically closes strong in the final weeks. When asked for examples of Obama "closing weakly" Schmidt said he couldn't give one "because I basically made that up in the hope you would just print it without asking."

Later, the McCain campaign issues a statement the said scientists working with a National Science Foundation grant had found a link between voting for Obama and cancer in lab rats.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

ugrlfWell, the link between voting for Obama and the cancers in lab rats has to do with A.C.O.R.N., of course!
Despite McCain being at a 2006 gathering with A.C.O.R.N. himself, he is going to try, one more time, to tarnish Obama by saying it's what Obama has done and supervised....and pushed fraudulent voting and votes.
It might be good to suggest that the real cancers always seem to have been the very right-wing conservatives who always tried to stop the flow of the blacks votes' by making it totally foreign to them. (poorly educated, and not so long ago, illiterate not to mention not knowing where to go to register)
Alas, thanks to the sixties and actually making opportunities for the needy and hard-working, "we've come a long way, baby", and now, these black executives, and their kids will all vote Obama, because, by George, "I think they've got it!"
If McCain is so senile and so frozen in time he should dare mention Ayers, it is going to be his ultimate public humiliation because everybody knows McCain's grand parade of bad players, Rick Davis still being right by his side, not mention, all the other lobbyists.
I think it is an utter toss-up with two pretty dumb yet ambitious women(Cindy and Sarah) whether or not housewives will be able to connect with a billionaire heiress or see themselves in a raunchy hairdo and semi-automatic.
Whatever huge flaws
are brought to this debate, nothing ever will be as embarassing to the USA on world networks as the Republican crowds screaming "Kill him!" and "He's an Arab."
That reality was worse than "lemons"..and America , at long last, ,has a chance to make it "sweet ".