Wednesday, October 15, 2008

BREAKING: Final Presidential Deabte Posts Smallest Audience; Most People Out Gathering Firewood

Woo Hoo! Last presidential debate tonight in which John McCain brings Bill Ayers out on to the stage to admit he's Barack Obama's father while Sarah Palin beats moderator Bob Schieffer over the head with a hockey stick.

That may be a slight exaggeration.

"You can do yourself a lot of good when you have a debate with that many people watching," South Carolina Republican Party Chairman Katon Dawson said. "But then, this is John McCain we're talking about, so we just hope he doesn't use the N word."

The debate comes as opinion polls show Obama gaining strength nationally and in battleground states after weeks of economic turmoil and plunging stock markets, with more voters saying they trust Obama's leadership on the economy. "If we were at war with a country of baby killing, 60's radicals McCain would totally have my vote," said one voter. "But since I need to, like eat, and have a place out of the weather for my family, I'm going to go with "Obama."

Several recent polls have shown McCain's attacks on Obama's character have largely backfired, increasing unfavorable opinions about McCain among voters looking for solutions on the economy. "We're confident the American people will realize what's important and realize a vote for Obama is a vote for a guy that was a political radical when the other guy was only eight years old," said Steve Schmidt, McCain's chief strategist, and head chauffeur.

"There is no question the negative campaigning just isn't working," pollster John Zogby said. "It's almost like the American people care more about their future than they do about what some old professor did 40 years ago. No wonder this country is in the shape it's in. Don't they know Obama's black?"

McCain adviser Nicolle Wallace said on CBS's "Early Show" the Arizona senator would focus on explaining how he would be the best leader to heal the financial chaos of the last month. "The senator will explain how, if he's elected he will suspend his presidency until the crisis is dealt with," she told reporters.

Now that's leadership we can believe in my friends.

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