In His Memoirs He'll Tell Us What Color The Skies Are On His Planet

You know, sometimes we envy the president. We mean, it usually takes us more than a few adult beverages before we reach the stage where reality becomes a malleable commodity, but yesterday here's what Bush said regarding Russia's invasion of Georgia (no, not that Georgia, this Georgia):

"Russia has invaded a sovereign neighboring state and threatens a democratic government elected by its people. Such an action is unacceptable in the 21st century."

Sweet and tasty Jebuss wafers on a sesame seed bun, how does he do stuff like that without his head exploding? Forget that. How can we do stuff like that?

Now, we know what you're thinking, the guy's schizoid or something, but that can't be because schizoids have multiple personalities, and if there's one thing we've learned about the president, he's always the same. Also clueless, incompetent, illegal and lacking in the qualities that produce effective leadership like say umm...er...we don't know, a conscience? Or is that conscious? We'll get back to you.

So you say, well, Iraq didn't have a democratic government elected by its people and it's not a neighboring state to us, so technically it's not the same. This is true, but somehow Bush doesn't impress us as a man capable of such fine intellectual distinctions.

Is he a robot, merely programmed to evaluate the moral and the immoral then choose the latter, like some sort of soulless automaton bereft of even the slightest glimmer of humanity?

Wait. That's Cheney.

Perhaps he's simply the anti-Forrest Gump, who, instead of blinking his way through history at its most brilliant, haplessly caroms from calamity to disaster.

Blast! We'll never know. The man is a moron wrapped in an idiot. It seems we must leave it for the ages to ponder how anyone could be that stupid and how 62,040,210 people couldn't recognize it.