I'll Be Here All Week. Tip Your Waitress

Oh, that president Bush, he's such a card. Every time he goes off to another country he just cracks the locals up with something he says or does. He's like America's traveling ambassador of hilarity.

Now he's got the Chinese shooting hot bubble tea lattes through their noses.

U.S. President George W. Bush plans to voice deep concerns about human rights in China in a speech hours before he arrives in Beijing for the opening of the Olympic Games.

Hahahahahahahahahaha! Get it? Mr. Blow up a country for the heck of it. Mr. Guantanamo. Mr. Secret Rendition. Mr. Torture is OK. Mr. Eavesdrop on everyone is telling the Chinese to watch it on human rights.

We're laughing so hard right now there are tears in our eyes. Sort of like these people.

"The United States believes the people of China deserve the fundamental liberty that is the natural right of all human beings," Bush will say in a speech in Bangkok. "Well, all human beings except the ones we're holding that is."

"So America stands in firm opposition to China's detention of political dissidents, human rights advocates and religious activists," Bush will tell the audience of Chinese officials. "That's our gig, you know?"

"We speak out for a free press, freedom of assembly, and labor rights," Bush will say. "You know, all that stuff we're trying to stop in America."

"And we press for openness and justice not to impose our beliefs, but to allow the Chinese people to express theirs." When asked if the same applied to the ability of the Iraqis freedom to express their beliefs the president replied that the Iraqis were free to express any belief his administration has already expressed.

"I have spoken clearly, candidly, and consistently with China's leaders about our deep concerns over religious freedom and human rights," Bush plans to say in his speech. "And they will ask me why my head hasn't exploded yet. I will tell them I have no idea."

Bush has repeatedly said he is going to the Olympics for sports and not for politics. "I don't do politics real good," he said.