On The Bright Side, We Can't Decide Between Britney And Paris Either

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Shorter version: Things look good for Ralph Nader and Bob Barr.

US voters have serious misgivings about both US presidential candidates -- Darkocrat Barack Obama and Repeatican John McCain -- faulting the former for lack of whiteness and the latter for close ties to Alzheimer's Disease, according to a new opinion poll which will be valid until the next opinion poll, about a minute and a half.

Half of those surveyed worry Obama "may be too closely aligned with people who hold high levels of melanin," and 57 percent said they were concerned he might chose R Kelly for Secretary of Education, USA Today said. When asked why their survey totalled 107% officials from USA Today admitted they counted people who used "multiple underlines, more than one exclamation point, smiley and frowny faces, or wrote ZOMG!! in the margins" twice.

On the other hand, four in 10 said they are worried McCain, who turns 172 next Friday, is too incontinent for the presidency, and 67 percent said they're concerned he'll pardon Bush after his conviction.

According to the poll, the electorate remain fairly fluid. Three out of 10 of those polled said they might change their minds between about moving to Belize between now and November 4.