Monday, August 04, 2008

If Elected, He'll Pass A Law That Says He Gets To Date Your Daughter

You know, we just don't understand politics. Calling your opponent a fancy pants, accusing him of being popular just because people like him, reminding fat people that he's not fat and thus "not like them," all that we get. Come on, what's the alternative? Talk about the issues? Please. Did you just move to this country? Legally?

The thing that we don't get is that when a black man finally admits, on national tee vee and everything that he is, in fact, black he's accused of playing the race card. What? Isn't that what you wanted all along? Now the whole country will wake up and be like Whoa! He's a brother? Man, we gotta vote for the white guy.

Senator John McCain defended his campaign for saying that Senator Barack Obama is playing the race card. McCain's campaign manager charged that Obama falsely accused the McCain campaign of injecting race into the presidential contest. "We hadn't noticed he was black until he said that," Rick Davis said. "And frankly it's divisive, negative, shameful and wrong. You'd never catch Senator McCain going around telling people he's white."

At three stops in the battleground state of Missouri, Obama told audiences that his opponent is trying to make voters "scared" of him because he doesn't look like past presidents -- an apparent reference to being black -- and has a "funny name."

"Well, duh," Davis said. "Look, it worked for Bush and he was running against the Senator from Vanilla. Can you imagine how fired up we'll get the Bubbas when they find out dude's a brotha? Heck even Dobson will risk eternal damnation rather than throw in with the darkies."

"This is a race about big challenges: a slumping economy, a broken foreign policy and an energy crisis for everyone but the oil companies," Obama spokesman Bill Burton said.

"Well, sure it is," Davis responded. "And we lose on every one of those. Look, Britney's all we got man, how about cutting us a little slack here?"

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