Wednesday, January 02, 2008

I Called You All Here Today To Tell You I'm Not Going To Call My Opponent A Poopyhead

You know, politics in this country has gotten kind of boring. We mean, there's only so many ways you can avoid talking about issues that matter by calling your opponent a homo lover, or a terrorist enabler, or a godless atheist Wiccan virgin sacrificer. Sooner or later, you're going to run out of charges that don't start with Yo momma so ugly...

Which is why we're pleased to see that Mike-God likes me best neener neener neener-Huckabee has instituted a whole new approach to Who Cares What My Position Is, The Other Guy's a Muslim Lover strategy. It's the Evil Spock campaign.

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee aired a negative ad campaign against former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney to a room full of reporters and camera crews in Iowa today -- then announced he had pulled it from paid airwaves.

OK, first of all, how could you "pull" and ad you never put on, but let's not quibble. This is a masterstroke of campaign strategy worthy of General Chang, if not the great Kahn himself. See, every great leader needs little people to do his dirty work so he can remain all leaderly and stuff. And who is more little or more dirty than the press? They're like sand people or something. Oops, think we just mixed our metaphor, but you get the point.

The ad, which Huckabee unveiled in front of a banner that said, "Enough is Enough," questioned Romney's record on immigration, tax reform, crime fighting, animal rights, and healthcare. But Huckabee, who denounced political attack ads, said that he hoped the negative ad produced by his own campaign would not be aired publicly. "Instead I want you guys to get it out on the intertubes for me. Anybody got one of them video phone thingys?" Huckabee asked.

During the press conference with more than 100 reporters, Huckabee was asked if he thought Romney was fit to be president. "Voters can make that decision," he said. "It's not my place to make that decision. But after you guys show them this ad for me, I think it's pretty obvious who god wants in the White House."

"What kind of stupid game is he playing?" said the campaign insider, who did not want to be identified questioning Huckabee's strategy. "To me it's just nuts. I don't understand it."

Umm...Huckabee? Nuts? You're surprised by that?

The advertisement was intended to run after internal debate and a decision that Huckabee needed to respond to the beating he was taking from Romney. "He finally agreed that he wouldn't take it lying down," said the insider.

Oh now that's just too easy, even for us.

"We all can talk about changing the tone of this blog and the direction and the way we write our posts. And sometimes we talk about it and then we end up doing the same things and at some point we have to decide, can we change the kind of blogging and the level of discourse and so we've got to believe that we can but it's got to start somewhere and so it might as well start here and it might as well start with us."

Therefore we will not make the easy homosexual double entendre based on what the insider said about Huckabee's decision. But we will present the remark below so you, the reader, can see what we would have written had we not decided to not write what we wrote:

Well, we already knew that Huck was a dom inionist.

Oh, and don't tell anyone we wrote that out here on the internets where no one can read it or anything.

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