Thursday, January 17, 2008

Econ 101, Or, You Going To Finish That Chicken Bone?

Full disclosure: We're not economists. Don't even play them on the teevee. We're pretty sure it doesn't matter anyway because by the time Bush leaves office the economy will have collapsed into a dystopian nightmare of roving bands of lawless, merciless hunter gatherers, burrowing desperately through the collapsed and abandoned infrastructure and fighting each other over old KFC buckets. And no American Idol.

We're OK with this though, because we've already downloaded several plans for the construction of distilling equipment and we're fast becoming experts on the cultivation of wheat and rye grains.

None of this stops politicians from promising nirvana is just around the corner though, if we just put in place a couple of tweaks to the already most awesome, A number one, bestest, Always Low Prices, Blue Light Special Buygasm that is America. Let's look at John McCain's contribution

Republican presidential candidate John McCain proposed an economic stimulus plan that would lower the corporate income tax rate and provide a host of other tax breaks for business.

See, this is the part we don't get. If the economy goes in the crapper because people can't afford life's little truffles, like say, oh we don't know, houses and stuff, then why not give tax cuts to them instead of to the businesses that make the things people can't buy?

"My plan will cut taxes, spur investment and innovation and make American business more competitive in the global marketplace," McCain said "You people here in America? You're shopped out. Old market. Now China, that's where the money is."

Ah. Oh. Well, thanks for clearing that up for us. Still, shouldn't you at least pretend you care about, say the 47 million people in the country without health insurance? Couldn't just throw a couple of bucks their way just to, you know, keep the dead from piling up on the streets?

The plan would also establish a permanent research and development tax credit and allow tax breaks for equipment and technology investment.

OK. Well, we all have to have our priorities. After all, there are CEO salaries to be paid. but really, since there are more people than CEO's and since you're supposed to be president of all the people, not just the CEO's, wouldn't it make economic sense to drip a little of the gravy on their shirts too?

McCain's plan does not contain tax relief for individuals.

Man. Economics is just to complicated for us. Pass the Alcoholmeter, will you?

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