What's The Frequency Yahweh?

 Now, we know that god only sends hurricanes around because Planned Parenthood operatives are building another abortoplex which they will staff with gay ACORN workers.We also know that god hits the earthquake button when he gets tired of females running around with their ankles exposed, and he turns off the sprinkler system when the flock gets too rambunctious.

OK so this is the second time in a row a hurricane has caused the republicans to postpone the opening of their convention. We find this scenario quite perplexing: If you look at who's taking the brunt of this godly pique, it's the very people who should be up there in the city on a hill pointing and laughing at the rest of us heathens. We mean, hurricanes for abortions? If there is a group of people out there more determined to wrest control of those mysterious ladyparts from their owners than republicans, we sure can't find them. And earthquakes? If there's one thing the ayatollahs and the Todd Akin political party and estrogen jihad can agree on it's that women have gotten too...out there. Working out of the home, learning to read, and this whole G spot thing? Well, aren't guys under enough pressure already? And what's with the drought? The hardest hit state is Texas where, according to Governor Perry, Jesus has a summer home.

We're not theologians and even though we've speculated on god's marksmanship before, we're not in a position to offer any definitive explanation for this curious religiometeorological turn of events except to say that Pat Robinson and all those Pat Robinson wannabes out there who claim to speak for the deity might want to buy a new edition of their god to English dictionary because it just seems to us that there's some noise in the channel if you get our drift.