Tuesday, August 21, 2012

In Which Ironicus Rides To The Rescue

We're coming to you today from the Fainting Couch Department here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The FCD is a division of the Vapors Company, in partnership with Bring Smelling Salts Quickly! Inc.

By way of introduction let us say that as long time toilers in the educorporate training facility in our area, we have often been privy to certain Anglo-Saxon expletives uttered by the embodiments of this nation's bright future. In fact, walking down the halls at lunch time often caused us to wonder if these hormone infused, Abercombie and Fitched specimens of this country's marketing expertise knew any words other than the seven you can't say on TV.

Additionally, we have often been honored to receive the intellectual musings of those claiming to be the parents of the aforementioned. One in particular comes to mind. An "aunt" (at least that's all she was willing to admit to) of one of our charges, in explaining to us why we couldn't flunk her "nephew" even though he had not handed in a single assignment all year, held the class record for unexcused absences, and was on a first name basis with several of the local law enforcement personnel, opined that she was sure he had done all the assignments dutifully, and while she was well aware that we couldn't take his word for it, we could take hers because she had "never been arrested. Not even a parking ticket."

We demurred and went on with our day, unlike Prague High School principal David Smith who apparently grew up in a much more genteel environment than the one in which he currently resides.
The father of a recent high-school graduate has been denied her diploma because she said "hell" in her valedictorian speech.
At this juncture we'd like to offer a quick aside: sometimes our colleagues in this profession embarrass the he...um...heck out of us. That being said, if this child has completed all the requirements for graduation we don't think Principal Smith's delicate sensibilities are enough to override the dictates of state law. Oh wait, this is Oklahoma. You're in deep doo-doo kid.
Her transcripts were sent on to Southwestern Oklahoma State University in Weatherford and life went on as usual until she and her father went to collect her diploma from the high school office last week. "The principal shut the door on us," David Nootbaar said, "and told us she [Kaitlin] will type apology letters to him, the school board, the superintendent and all of the teachers," in order for her to obtain her diploma.
Ah, we see. The transcripts were released so the kid can get on with her life, but Principal Petty is having himself what's known as a bureaucratic snit about the whole thing. OK, Kaitlin, we here at IM Central are going to help out by writing the letter for you:
Dear Principal Smith:

I understand that my use of the word "hell" has offended you. It was what is called an allusion, (I learned that in my English class) which is a reference to a previous work, in this case the film Eclipse, which is very popular with people my age, who were the intended audience of my talk. However, being the Principal of a high school, a professional educator and a self centered, boneheaded jackass, I shouldn't have expected you to know that. My bad.


No comments: