Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Maybe Once The Planet Turns Into A Charcoal Briquette You'll Realize Marriage Is Between A Man And A Woman

Our old daddy used to say "it takes a man to admit he's wrong,' which after a beat or two was followed with "because a woman never has to." It was basically his philosophy on marriage which, we hasten to add, kept him from having to sleep in the garage on many a night.

We offer that little anecdote as context for a followup on our post of last week in which we pointed out that the planet is slowly cinderizing when it isn't a howling blizzard of sideways snow and temperatures approaching those of liquid nitrogen. Either way, Thunderdome for those unlucky enough to survive. Additionally, we have apparently brought this on ourselves, unless you are a republican in which case liberal policies have created an uber class of elite intellectuals who will profit from the planet's impending meteorological apocalypse and must be fought with every last free market regulation lowering, tax avoiding tool available.

Well, since Oklahoma burned down last week, we thought we might revisit the aforementioned champions of free enterprise and see if they had all quit their day jobs to go into charcoal farming.

Republican lawmakers say this year's harsh weather that has produced devastating wildfires and the most widespread drought in 50 years has not changed their minds on climate change. "People say summers have gotten a lot hotter since they were kids," said Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R-Kan.). "That's not because of climate change, that's because you've grown up. You're closer to the sun now then when you were a little kid."

Sen. John Boozman (R-Ark.) also believes current conditions are part of normal volatility. “Sure the entire country is turning into a desert," he said, "But that doesn't mean a new ice age isn't just around the corner. Cycles man. Learn some science."

“Those same people don’t say that when we have cold weather, like if there’s a cold snap, so they’re not being consistent,” said Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-Colo.), whose Colorado Springs-based district saw the most destructive wildfire in state history earlier this summer. "I mean, you don't see these eggheads scientists talking about wild fires after one of those four day blizzards that shut down the whole east coast do you?"

In a floor speech last Monday, Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Okla.) said, "Look at the patterns. It gets cold, it gets warmer, it gets colder, gets warmer. God is still up there, and bro,  if the dude came down here he'd think Old Ned moved his operation north 'cause it's so hot out there last week I caught a pre-cooked fish."

“I’ve heard a lot about the drought,” said Rep. Tim Griffin (R-Ark.), “but I have not heard one thing connecting this to climate change. Course, I get most of my information from Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, so I may not be the most up to date person on this issue."

Inhofe recounted that in the 1970s, some scientists were afraid of another ice age on Earth: "Now, we're all going to die, keep that in mind, whether it's global warming or another ice age, we're all going to die."

Right, but that's sort of the outcome we're trying to avoid here senator, you know, all of us dying? End of civilization? Cockroaches inherit the planet, stuff like that.

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